Nothing much to say, but I have to stop being lazy.

Hiya. So this last week and a half have been a bit melancholy for me. I haven't had any motivation to do any writing or work on projects or really do anything that adults do. I'd call it a Brian Wilson phase(lovingly, because I have nothing but mad love for BW) but I cannot grow a beard very fast, i don't have 2 tons of sand to make my living room into a sandbox, nor can I write a song. And I don't do LSD(anymore)* I have, however, been sitting in front of the TV binge watching Netflix and eating taco bell nachos. I'm not proud, but at least I'm honest. Bill stuff hit me hard from out of the blue, and I think it just happened because I was binge watching Netflix and eating taco bell nachos. I need to get out of the house more. Also on the list of to-do items is planning the 8 year anniversary show for The MNCS. May 4th(star wars day for all you trekkers) It's an awards show this year. No prom, no masquerade balls. Just votin' and awards givin' and I want a red carpet. I also need a video projector. So if you have one, please hit me up. My goal for the coming weeks is to venture out of the house and involve myself in some sort of wacky adventure that befits a man who is fast approaching middle age. By fast approaching, I mean it is about 20 years away and that justifies buying more action figures under the guise of "I have a three year old son who needs these things" I was having a conversation with a friend who died recently about books and why he didn't have a lot of them. He said that he gave his books away after he read them because he didn't like moving books when he switched living spaces. I countered with "Then how will you ever get a library that you can give to Belle to try and earn her love before the last rose petal falls?" and he said that was a cartoon and that I should live in reality and try growing up because I'm a hoarder. I should note that he was saying this as he was loading one of 13 Nerf guns that we had in the house for one of our delightfully epic nerf gun fights we had every other day. He was fine with hoarding nerf, but to have a complete set of Harry Potter 1 through 7 was a waste of shelf space. I may not ever find a girl who will fight me with nerf guns while reading Prisoner of Azkaban, but by the gods I WILL try to find her. You know, thinking about it.... I think every girl I've ever dated would have done that. Damn. I'm rubbish at relationships. I need to stop burning bridges. Tonight I stert building my Beauty and the Beast library and go wife huntin' And I'll be drankin a case a malt liquor and watching hoarders on Netflix while I polish my nerf guns that you can pry outta my cold dead hands. All the while, I will be analyzing each of my past relationships and finding out that the common denominator was me. It was all my fault. Damn it. Anyway, I'm feeling better. Though I could use a roommate for February if anyone wants to crash at my place for a month. Stay Awesome, Andy *I did LSD twice. the first time was crazy and fun. The second time I was drinking Boone's Farm wine and eating white castle. That time stuff went dark...

In which we 'slam evil' and wonder why spandex is a thing.

As today is usually reserved for thinking about the civil rights movement, I'd like to point out that racism is very very stupid, and that it is the responsibility of us all to ensure that today's children become responsible and caring adults. So everyone just stop being dumb bits of poo (Shit)and practice tolerance and understanding like a human being should. It is ridiculous that this is still a problem in this world. I'm not going to quote Dr. King, as I think it is horribly cliche. There is enough of that going on on facebook today. It just shouldn't be a thing is all I'm saying. It gives me a headache and makes me want to punch walls and cut brake lines*. Kids look up to you and emulate your behavior. If you are stupid, chances are your kids will be too. Be the change, enter the dragon, diversify your investments and slam evil. It should be pointed out that i made a reference to the early 90's movie version of the comic strip: The Phantom starring some dude who was in that thing and Kristy Swanson, whom I believe needs to be in everything still. See, I had a thing about her ever since Buffy The Vampire Slayer during my formative years**.

And while I'm talking about racism and awful movies that studios backed foolishly: Spandex. It is a way to make powerful enemies or lifelong friends. I get it. But that movie looked super lame. Except for the skull ring. that was choice.

It seems I started writing again at the perfect time where it seems like all my friends are dead. Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of Kate Urquhart passing away after a short but awful battle with Cancer. I assure you that it is not me, just unfortunate circumstance. Tonight at the show we will listen to her last comedy set (dubbed 'The Cancer 5') She was undergoing Chemo and was in a lot of pain, so the fact that she made it down the stairs to club Underground was a testament to how badass she was. And how much it meant to her to try and make people laugh with her. She was funny, kind, didn't take any shit from anyone and saw the world as a messed up but wonderful place to be. I miss her everyday and her memory lives on in the show that she considered her favorite. Seriously. The Phantom was a bad movie. What were they thinking?

I want you to know that no matter the reason, no matter your body type, spandex used in public is not allowed. Stay Awesome, Andy * never cut brake lines. I saw it once in a movie and I use it as an empty threat. I should start saying I'm going to tea bag you since I am more prone to do that since you wouldn't die and it would brighten everyone's day. ** I even have a soft spot for 'The Chase' That one had Charlie Sheen and they had sex in a car on a freeway headed to Mexico. That was the way I wanted to lose my virginity. Sex in a car with Kristy Swanson. It ended up being in an apartment in Indianapolis. But if I close my eyes, it is an apartment in Indianapolis with Charlie Sheen telling me I'm doing ok.

To Bill, Regarding Bill.

This is a re-post from facebook. I wanted to write something before the year was over. I started writing it the day after, in response to Mike Brody asking me to write something for Laughspin.com. What he wrote was way better, as this was kind of darker in tone and his was more celebratory. It took me a long time to finish because I had to start and stop so many times from getting overwhelmed. Anyway, it tells a bit of the story. As it is now about a month and 4 days after, I feel like adding more. Not going to happen, though. It isn't time yet. Read it if you haven't. or don't. Write your own and tell me where to find it. -Andy December 31, 2014 at 1:21pm I am sitting on a couch I always said I hated. It isn't uncomfortable, it's just that we never decided which side was 'My side' Mainly because you didn't care about that kind of stuff. You always said you were 'easy like Sunday Morning' Sitting a few inches from my feet are your shoes that you left there the last time you sat down. I've decided that that side is yours, if you don't mind. The shoes haven't moved. Not even when about 100 of our friends stopped by to make sure I was doing ok. And to make sure they were doing ok too. It was really good to have them there. Christ, it has been a bad couple of weeks. That Morning is still a blur. I have moments of clarity every so often, and when I do I see things my small brain cannot handle. It was the general concensus that you slept through Gus' memorial. I was going to give you shit about it, but started to get worried instead. But responsibilities took over and I had to pick up Graham becasue it was my Thursday night to have him sleep over. He went to bed without a fuss, and your light was still on becasue it was broken and you never felt like bothering our landlord about getting it fixed. How many nights you slept with the light on can't be counted. One of your charms that we all just shook our head at and muttered "That's our Bill". I dropped Graham off in the morning and remember shouting "Bill, get up. You're going to be late for work" before we left. I even texted you before I left Kim's parking lot before I headed home. And then I got home. It took two tries to make my hands work the phone to dial 911 that morning. I kept dropping it. Barely able to give details over the phone, the 911 operator was very patient with me. Paramedics came and so did the fire dept. They were just doing their thing they have to do. I was out on the porch. they told me to get some air. They came in the door and were gone within two minutes. I cried knowing they would have been there longer if there was anything they could have done. Looking back on what i am going to call the worst morning in my life thus far, I have to say that I am writing this as more of a diary of moments. Something for me to look back on in case the years following take anything away from me. Truth is, I doubt I'll forget anything and those fucking moments of clarity I spoke of earlier keep coming. I hate those moments. Maybe this is for you who were not there in those horrific first few minutes when I was the most alone I have ever been in my life. Don't think of this as a form of sick punishment. Just please understand that I have this incredibly awful series of images that I am cursed to live with and I need you to know that it changed me. I'm really not the same person I was before December 12th. I'm not sure what kind of person i am now. I am in that stage of grief where I am pissed off about everything. A stage that would probably be the one to avoid writing during. Yet here we are. I think that Mike Brody captured a moving tribute to you in what he wrote for Laughspin. It is only now that the Memorial service is over and some of your things have been taken away that I can try and sit down to write something without it taking a huge toll on me. But trust me, the toll is being taken still. The police were nice to me. Probably a good thing since I have met one cop I like, and he is retired and does comedy now. They told me that I should try and call someone to be with me. (I wasn't the most stable, yet still Minnesotan through and through in that I apologized every time I realized I may or may not have said the word 'Fuck' enough to make a sailor blush) That Minnesotan thing would come back a few hours later once I started making the calls to inform people. Apologizing over and over for having to tell people I normally don't talk to save for the occasional text that our friend was gone. Had another moment of clarity just then when I typed that. So the cops said they would stay with me because they medical examiner needed to come and take photos and do medical examiner stuff. See, they treat every death like a homicide until they know more info. At the point of waiting for this guy to show up, that is when Roni arrives. She was my 'first responder' and a major rock for me, though she was hurting just as much. I didn't tell her over the phone. I just asked her to come over right away. I know she knew the moment she hung up the phone. She's smart and I don't envy the car ride for her as she drove to the house. Nor would I wish that sick feeling as people must have had as they walked up the porch steps. How could I have told her? This whole fucked up mess was about an hour old for me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything but "please come over here as fast as you can" in the quietest voice I've ever had. Dick move on my part. Imagining now what must have been going through her head as she drove to uptown... I wasn't thinking clearly, but still. She stood by me as the medical examiner asked me/us questions. That guy's job is death. Dealing with it and poking it with a stick or filing paperwork or whatever. it must suck, that job. But still, the dude was kind of a dick. Cold and to the point. That is how we found out about the huffing. I've thought about that a lot. Wondering what could have made you start doing it. I've read angry posts and even angrier comments and power trip high horse soapbox rants. The only thing I can say is that I'm sad you were hurting & I wish you hadn't seemed alone in your suffering. I'm not mad about it. I'm just so sad that it took you away from us. Our frinds came pouring in the house. Showing up just to be around others who might be able to comfort them and to offer comfort themselves. There were bagels and the coffee maker should not still work for how many pots were brewed. That bottle of "The Good Stuff" that Roger gave me a while ago was opened. You know the one we were saving for our Holiday Party that we both knew would end up happening in March? Yeah, that one. I got glasses out for anyone who was there becasue I asked if it was too early for a drink. Everyone said no. Without thinking, I had an extra one for you. And that glass still has whiskey in it. It's on a shelf and I can't throw it out because I'm not ready yet. "Kill Whitey" as we raised our glasses. So many time since, people are saying that out of respect for you. I think you'd like that. There's more. There always is. Little details that I've tried to write about but can't. Big details I won't even begin to be able to talk about for a while. I'm not a good writer and I ramble on like my intros to comics. But I wanted to get something down. This doesn't capture everything. Maybe someday. I want you to know that You are missed with everything we have. Your Family is one of the strongest and kindest that I have known and your memory will live on in us. Just like we all mourned Kate's passing or Gus's, each of us will celebrate you too. Thanks for being my friend, Bill. I am comforted in that I actually said that to you once and you seemed to feel that it mattered. Tonight is the last night of this year that hadn't been that bad until early December. If there is any justice in the world, and there probably isnt, there will be some good that comes of your loss. Personally I can't see it now, but you had that way of having a positive spin on things so I'll try: The people you knew and called your friends are a bit kinder now. They might go the extra distance to cross a room and ask how someone is who might not offer personal insight. If we see someone struggling, we might just say something nice like 'I love you'. It might not happen too. we could all revert back to our cynical selves and not let our guard down until the next godforsaken trajedy occurs. But I saw so much goodness from people in the last month of 2014 that will stay with me a good long time. And if there is one thing I believe in, it's our friends. I'll end with something I said at the Monday that seemed like it was good at the time: Years from now, you will meet some young kid just starting out. They might be a comic. They might not be. But I want you to pull that kid aside, show them some kindness and say "Let me tell you about a guy named Bill Young" With love, Andy PS- Graham asks about you. I just tell him that you have gone away, but you love him very much.

It may be redundant, but welcome back to the stage: Your host, Andy

Let's be honest with each other: I have never forgotten about this place... I just have been busy washing my hair. However, to fulfill a promise I made to a friend named Bill Young, here I am again. I can't promise you that it will be full of whimsy or insight, and I can full on give you a guarantee that it will not be as good as the posts that Bill wrote over on Youngnotions.com (editors note: I just tried to make a link. Did it work? It was a link to a thing on the internet that I wanted you to click on. Internet stuff baffles me and is made of witchcraft and demons)(update: it didn't work. i hate the internet and I am a small and stupid marmot. That said, this isn't a replacement. this is me keeping my word. And since it is already the 16th of January, I am a bit behind schedule. Avast ye hearties. What happened to me? I was sojourning with whales on the northern coast of California. I have lost my fear of whales and I commune with them every chance I get*. Along the way, I had a Son in 2011 and work in an office where i am the most popular person there and they call me 'Fonzie'** I still host and produce The Monday Night Comedy Show in Northeast Minneapolis with a group of people who are my closest friends and who I would like it if they started calling me 'Fonzie'*** That brings us up to recent days. I'm going to be talking about my friend Bill now. Brace yourself. I have known Bill for years. He has been a solid performer at The MNCS; I officiated his wedding(Granted, the marriage ended and he only mentioned that it was my fault two or three times); I did a play with him last Summer and most recently I moved in with him and we had the best time ever. Even though he would never do dishes. Now, before I go on, I'm not going to go into the events of December 11th 2014 to the Morning of December 12th right now. I wrote a thing that I will post after I get this one out of the way. Bill died sometime in the night of the 11th and 12th. I found him in his room and it made everything go dark. No heartbreak has been more pronounced in my life thus far, and I hope that I never have to go through it again. That said, in the weeks that have passed: I have found support through the most unexpected of people. I have grown closer to those who I always have relied on in times of trouble. Having always been a bit of a Drama Queen, I have changed my title to Drama High Chancellor. As not only is it manlier, it is also much more awesome and that is what this is all about. There are moments now where I feel like I am not in control of anything in my life, and am trying to learn to ask for help when I need it. This is proving difficult because I am the Drama High Chancellor and I can do everything on my own I do not need help for I am a rock, and Island and I wear big boy pants. Sometimes I sleep with the light on still because if I do that, it is like I have passed out at a party and that means there are still people in the house having fun. As I wrote this, I see that that is probably not healthy. but there are nights when everything feels super lonely and I want my friend back to keep me company. I have learned more things, but nothing that has to do with one of my best friends dying. End list. This is not a therapy blog. I will not go through huge realizations(unless I realize something huge). There will be more rants about how Dinosaurs are amazing and baby named like Kodiak and Chastity or Farnsworth are stupid and grind society to a halt. As it was before, this is a Batman friendly zone and in the bylaws, you have to be attractive to read it. Racism is dumb, women are equal, and the cheesy biscuits are really good at Red Lobster and if you think you can re-create them at home:I do not believe you. ok. We can begin again now for the very first time. Again. Come on, Amber. Let's ride. Stay Awesome, Andy Brynildson. (who is heavily influenced by the writing of Neil Gaiman and hopes you find that sexy) *This is just not true. Whales are the ghosts of murderers and thieves who would steal your babies in the night and take all that you hold dear away from you. And while they are doing all these things to you and yours, they are trying to pull you down into the murky depths to delight in your untimely death. They are assholes without knowing it, and that is just the worst. Too big. They are much too big. I could go on forever. Also, I have only been to Northern California in hilarious text message exchanges with Lindsey McDonald Dorsey. **They do not call me Fonzie. I just recently watched a movie with Henry Winkler in it and I think he is just the best ever. *** They call me literally everything BUT Fonzie. Most of them are insults. Endearing insults.

making peace, also- a celebration

I told Kim how that last thing made me feel.
In her defense, she did apologize. But she also told me that she has been seeing her ex on a regular basis. So there is that.

I sound dramatic on a daily basis, and this will be no different. So you have been warned.
All I can be from this point on is the best Father I can be to my Son.
I am doing all these cliche things that I know people will mock me for. I look at parents with their children, and i smile.
I see all these kids in different age groups, and I visualize how much cooler Graham is going to be.
I think of movies I like or songs I think are part of my soundtrack, and i can't wait to share them with him.
I need to meet him.
I need to look into his eyes and tell him that no matter what, I'm totally his. And I really need him to look right back into mine and do that thing babies do to tell their very nervous dad that they will forgive any screw up as long as they keep that promise of being there for them.

I loved Kim as best I could. I have faults out the wazoo, so there isn't any anger on my end.
but I am ready to stop lighting that candle in my window, hoping that she might change her mind and want to be a family. I'll just end up diving deeper and deeper into a place that will end with me being the worst person for graham to be around.
I know that at some point, I would realize that it isn't about me anymore. maybe it's now, maybe it is yet to come and I am just having a brief moment of clarity. I have no idea.
There is so much going on inside Brainpan Andy that I cannot keep a thought going for more than a few minutes.
Save for that one.
That being the best Dad I can be, come on, keep up...
Kim can be with who she wants, and I can do my Andy thing.

On a completely different note:

Today marks the 4th year of the Monday Night Comedy Show.
I should write more about it, but I teared up in writing my latest facebook post. I'd rather not go to sleep with crazy emotions running amok.
I'll just say this-
Work on something for 175 times. give it a few hours of thought each time you do it. Let people you care about help you with that something to make it great. Something people other than yourself care about. accept the fact that people you respect feel that your something is worth a damn, and they thank you for putting in the time to make it a thing to look forward to. Then call that something The Monday Night Comedy Show.
I'll be at my show tonight, giving a damn about the one thing I am good at- making people I care about laugh.


Cue music, and fade to the Stay Awesome...


Andy

Is this all you've got, God? It's me, Andy

Yo.

I have become a wicked lazy dude when it comes to blogging. I don't think anyone reads this one anyway. Not since I moved to that other site that I didn't even own.
And you know what that got me? A lot of posts that are completely lost now. Yay!

So if you read anything on that other site, Yesandy dot com, you were privy to info that is lost to the ages. I'm sure almost 10% of it was pretty good, too.

Well, now I have no documentation to prove I existed then.

Oh well. Onwards and moving forth and such.

Here is today's thingy:

I have been super responsible father of the child lately. It isn't big news, it's just something that i think is important. So I have been doing my part and showing Kim that I am worth a damn, but if you read this, you know that really doesn't mean anything.
We have good days and bad days.
And usually, I can just pass everything off as hormones or me not being a bleep on her radar.
Whatever, my life sucks, blah blah blah.
Today I took the bus to her house to pick up her car and get the tires replaced.
She hit a mondo pot hole a couple nights ago and blew out her back tire.
Messed up her rim too.
But I was just happy that she was safe and that the only bad thing that happened was her burrito got cold. (which she saw as the worst part of the night)
There is more to the story, but we need to get to todays drama, or it might expire.
I get to her house and she shows me a lot of neat things that one of her friends had given her for Graham. They were lovely. However everything is trumped by my Lindsey McDonald Dorsey, who purchased Graham the crib we registered for at Target. Seriously. That totally sets the bar pretty high for my family members, who I thought might get the bigger stuff. (But there is still that sweet transport crib and breast pump...)

So a HUGE thanks to Linds. Love you to the moon.

Where was I?
Oh yeah. I was at her house.
I entered her room and saw her nice big bed she got recently and noticed something that made my heart break.
We have matching framed pictures of Graham's first ultrasound. (I actually have 4 framed ultrasound pics all around my room)
Stuck in the frame's corner was a strip of photobooth pictures of Kim and her ex (guy before me.) One of those nice ones where you are having a good time and kissing and sticking your tongue out at each other. good times.
He's the guy who was abusive to her.
And maybe I shouldn't make this public. Maybe I should keep it all inside and explode over some tiny thing somewhere down the line. maybe i am an asshole to bring it up.
Perhaps I deserve everything that she has put me through in the last few months.

But you know what?

I don't fucking hit girls. or anyone I care about. And on a side note, I don't have any pictures of ex girlfriends on the ultrasound photo's of my unborn child. that isn't a choice I would make.

So that is something i am thinking about while I try to get some sleep. And I am sure it will seep into tomorrow.
I think I have an ulcer now, but am too poor to see a doctor to find out if it's just in my head.

On that note, if anyone has any work for me, I'll take it. Anything. I'll clean up puke if needed. i need some insurance for my son who is due in 10 weeks.




Goodnight.

Andy

ps- I don't like going to bed angry at things I can't change. I feel completely useless.

I broke my own rule of never editing.


I also gave up on my comedy show tonight.

I will never forgive myself for either of those things.

at wits end.

All I want is to talk to the Mother of my child about my child.
I really don't think that is too much to ask.

I have never been so sad about anything than this radio silence.

Maybe seeing her more would help.

or feeling him kick more than once.

I can't do this much longer.

This could prove dangerous.

Just downloaded the mobile app for das blog... Dont worry, it will just be used for pictures. I dont like the touchscreen much.

The poster that doug kallberg made for the show is pretty rad.

Ok. Bye for now.

Andy

If I were in a movie, it would be called 'Rando'

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux"

Pretty pretentious, having a quote in French without any explanation.
But alas, here we are.

My writing has been Baby-Heavy lately, just like my thoughts.
I get these emails from 'What to expect dot com', which I call my Baby nerd website.
Though Lise might cringe, as she steered me away from the book of the same name (sans the dot com)
And she was right, By the way. That book is BRUTAL. Everything you want to hear, but with 100 pounds of 'This is the stuff that can go wrong and probably will' added to it.
I told Kim to not read it because I trust Lisa's word. I, however, was curious. I wish I hadn't.

So today i find out that my child can hear everything and can also do Math and stuff.
The self deprecating part of me decides that he is already smarter than me in every way. I'm just feeling low because I found out that I didnt get a job I really wanted. Something that would pay well, and give great benefits to both Kim and to Graham.
I felt like a total failure.
I still do.
I know that doing theater and producing shows will never actually make any money. I was just hoping that doing it for 4 years might give me some kind of discernible skill. Sadly, no.

Anyway, I ended the night with a really good MNCS. I haven't felt good about a show in at least a month. Well, at least on my end. Haven't felt funny lately, i guess.
Everything I did felt forced. I think that one thing that helped was that i talked with Kim today. We were due to have late lunch after she got off of work. but work for her today was crazy nuts, so she called to give me a heads up. maybe she was just in a calm in the storm, but I like to think she used up all of her break just to talk to me. She told me about her lunch with her Dad, and that 'My' Son has been keeping her up all the time due to kicking. She always says 'your Son' when it is an annoying thing for her. I am strangely ok with that. :)
I told her I didn't get the job, and she acknowledged it. It made me feel a bit better. I don't know why. Maybe because it's Her, and i want her to know that I AM looking. I'm trying. But like I said, Four years of hosting a Comedy Show doesn't mean anything in the Job-world.
I hope to grow up, but I don't want my Son to think that wasting away in a corporate world is what it's like to be an adult.

And it's things like that that make me think I will be a bad father...

I swear I won't mention the word 'Craft' in any way but ironic. But I hope above all things that he gets Kim's visual art abilities and my whatever I have to offer.
Maybe he will be very good at worrying. Or a working knowledge of which starship Enterprise was featured in which series or motion picture.
I think I need to read more. Maybe take a continuing education class on excel or powerpoint.

What did you do today, Andy?
Oh, i felt sorry for myself most of the time. Spoke with the Mother of my child for a bit. That cheered me up a little, and then I worked on the Monday show stuff and made a female shark costume for JAws The Musical... A point of interest was when I was peeling layers of elmers glue off my fingers and pretending that it was skin while screaming in fake pain to no one in particular. In a British accent (which is my go-to voice in my head)
You know, normal stuff.
My Boy doesn't have a chance.

Oh, today my blood sugar got so low because of not eating that for some reason my left hand started to shake uncontrollably. that was odd.
For five minutes straight, I thought I had the beginning stages of Parkinson's Disease. To the point where I did online research.
And then, after I had finally eaten something and the shaking went away, i started doing some looking into leprosy because I was pulling chunks of elmers glue off my hands. And that evolved into schizophrenia research because for some reason I talk to myself in a British accent. Everything comes full circle, I swear to you.

Again, my boy doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of being normal. But He WILL be interesting...

In other news, tonight was out 167th show. And it was a great one. No one heckled me to shut up, which I see as a triumph.
Jason kruger did a 5 minute set that everyone enjoyed, and we had a fun lineup in addition. Kate Urquhart is my favorite MNCS Comic in residence. That is where we have someone do 5 all new minutes of jokes each week.
It is one of those things I think of at random and it happened to work. I have people asking about doing it at least every other week. (and to be honest, I did it so the audience wouldn't get bored hearing the same jokes over and over) But it also challenges the comics who do it. Kate really works hard, and comes up with great stuff. If I can make it so the show is ONLY new stuff, I will be a very happy dude.
But coming up with 5 new minutes a week is no small feat. I am happy with people trying is all. I want my audience to keep coming back with the thought 'What will happen this week?'
And I certainly don't want Linds, Jason or Roni to be bored. The show needs them too much.

Ok, so this was a very ranty-tangent post.
Basically, I wanted to stress how much i dislike making shark costumes. I don't think I made that clear.
Still, I am pretty good at it. If making shark costumes that look like they were made by a three year old with a working knowledge of shitty costumes should look like is a skill.
Target corp should have a department devoted to just that.

Until that happens, keep reading and stay awesome.

Andy

I was thinking of my Son. So I thought I should write about it.

This Blog is brought to you by the letter H for 'Haugie' and the number 11 because I like it.

Why? What did Haugie do to inspire the typy type? Oh, she wrote a blog after 3 years of being lame and not writing a blog.
So look at the link to the right of this and find her blog, read it. Comment on it. And tell her to keep at it.

In our last chapter, I was very very drunk and should not have been writing.
Alas, I do not edit my bits until Simon & Shuster come a knocking and tell me to trim the fat.

Oh, speaking of fat, I am on a diet. No more eating like an asshole. I think today is day 8 of that. Cant be sure. I'd have to check my little calendar that I keep in my coat pocket. i write everything down in it, as my brain has turned to mush in my extreme old age.
But that coat is almost ten feet away, and I cannot be bothered with long trips right now.
So yeah. Losing the weight of the world in my belly.
We will see how long it lasts.
Next up: Quitting smoking.
Soon, Mon. Soon...
I would like to have been at least a month smoke free before my Son arrives.
It seems I would like to see him reach adulthood without that pesky cancer.

Haugies blog was nice and inspiring. Something that I think my own writing lacks. At least recently. I mean, if you take out the five months that I stopped writing altogether and include the last 3 or so years.
Yeah, I've been a kind of bummer.
She reminded me that I don't need to be melancholy all the time when writing. Even when there is some major scary things going on in one's life.
And I don't think there is anything scarier than Andy brynildson becoming a father.

I have a lot of nice friends who assure me that i will be great at it.
I trust them. Mostly.
I know myself. Meaning, i know where I stand in relation to God, Politics and Social things.
I am rubbish at relationships, but then, so is everyone in my family to some degree, i think. I realize that I need to stop looking at the history of my family as some sort of curse that I am doomed to repeat. I think that if I pass along anything to my Son, it will be all good things. Maybe heavy on the whole 'dreamer' aspect, but that certainly isn't something to be ashamed of.
One thing, above all, I hope that he is kind.
And that he understands the importance of clean laundry. Maybe he will develop an odd fascination with how dryer exhaust smells and makes you happy.
Or he could be normal, and not like the old man...

Either way, I'm going to be around for him. I hope he likes me.

More soon.

Stay Awesome and things like that.

Andy

Whatever.

let me preface with a 'I am drunk as a sailor' type metaphor.

I have beside my little netbook computer a salad that goes by the name of 'Chef'
I got it from my friendly neighborhood super America, who goes by the cryptic name of 'Speedway' in other parts of the world.
'Speedway' is an Ojibwa word meaning 'you gave up on nutrition a long time ago'.
It is a block away from my house, so I would be remiss if i were to not shop there and stimulate my local economy.
Also, the points I have accrued are close to buying me a lake home. (not sure about that, but I am sure they offer it. Might have to check the brochure, though)

That being said, i am distracted by it. I haven't eaten anything today because my eating habits are wonky as of late because of all this pesky 'Emotion' that I have been enduring.
Christ on toast, i do hate being a fucking musical theatre nerd sometimes.
Give me Phantom before football or Secret Garden in front of beer.
I worry that one day my Son will think that Nascar and Fantasy football are real things.
I do admit one thing: Long before I knew that I would be a father, back when Waynes World was a new release... I was listening to the 'Starlight Express' Soundtrack, and I thought that the title track would be a wonderful thing to sing to my own child as a lullaby.
In admitting this, i have to kill you.
but there you go.

I was going to tell you about a thing I thought earlier today... Oh yes! I think it had something to do with where I am right now.
Darkness.
mysterious bleak and desolate darkness.
It has nothing to do with my personal bits of hoo ha which bore even the most patient of Tibetan Monk.
It's more of a rant about the world and people I love more than anything ever.
And since this is MY soapbox, I shall talk till the talking is talka talka talk.
(you ever write a word and think it looks odd? Even though you know it is right because spell check didn't underline it with a squidgy red line? Talk... talk. Talktalktalk... hmmm. I digress.
Ok, so here is where dude is right now:
Japan has a lot of shit going down. Earthquakes and Tsunami bullshit. Makes you wonder if we are next. god knows that America, as decadent as we are, are due for a natural disaster like a mo-fo. But here we are. Most of Japan is messed right the hell up. And yet people are STILL talking about how Charlie Sheen is being a dipshit.
The day after it happened, which technically was a handful of hours after it happened, there were more youtube videos floating around than stuff about one of those kardashian monsters. And that is hard to do. And also, i puked a bit in my mouth when i wrote about a kardashian. Those things have no place here on my soapbox, especially when i am talking about something as real as the tragedy that is building daily in Japan after their huge quake.
I wonder why people aren't freaking out more about it.
I mean, this stuff is obviously more devastating than Katrina was. Well, not to those affected by Katrina... But looking at the videos, and hearing the prospected numbers of those killed. jesus, guys. Imagine the shitstorm that would happen if it were to happen in, say, Chicago.
It boggles my mind. And I am in no state to offer opinion on anything except legoland at the Mall of America. (awesome, by the way.)
I don't pray very much. It isnt a rule, but I am not the prayin' type. However, i found myself talking to whatever God I thought would listen to me twice this week. once was for personal stuff regarding my son, and the other was for anyone within a thousand miles of anything related to Japan's earthquake.
I have no idea why this has affected me so much. Maybe because of all the other shit that is considered 'news' while this is going on. I don't know. I have a LOT of other stuff going on. I am really good at distracting myself. I have been immersed in episodes of MST3K like it is some sort of dialysis and if I don't see at least 2 hours of witty commentary on B movies, my liver will fail.
But even while I am one of the best people around when it comes to checking myself out of reality, I am constantly drawn to this horrendous chain of events. I am thinking about my own situation, selfishly of course, and that little enormous fact that 9 million people share a birthdate on planet Earth.
NINE MILLION.
And that is just a stupid wikipedia number. It grows daily.
My Son will share his own birthday with a ton of other people. And a big number of those people will have been affected by a tragedy like an earthquake in Japan. Or something like extreme poverty or illness that cannot be cured or hate or something that I cannot think about because my mind is cluttered with silly personal worry.
I apologize for freaking out, but ALL I can think about is what i am bringing my son into.
I fear for him. i want the world he is introduced to to be one of safety. Someplace where he can live a long and happy life filled with every opportunity. I am sure that each and every person who has a child feels these same fears. I'm like a broken record, and nothing I say is new or clever.
But i swear, knowing that the most important person in my life for the next bajillion years(since he and i will both live forever) It really is messing with my head.
I have been really immature thus far, and to have an event that slaps me across the face so hard like becoming a FATHER... it is something I just don't have a frame of reference for.
I think of my friend James, who is enlisting in the Military for the SECOND time, just to make sure his family is safe and secure... He is a fucking hero. I can't respect anyone more. It kills me that I cannot get to Indy to see him off. All because I need some stupid amount of hours at work so I can maybe buy some diapers one day in the future or pay a bill to a company that has millions.
I want to hug him and say how much he inspires me. Fuck you, world, for making money so damn critical. And Fuck ME for thinking that being responsible is more important.
Well anyway. I at least know where i would rather be. I never thought it would be Indianapolis.
At least can write him letters. There is that.
Know what I don't like being? An emotional wreck. That is a major bummer.
Kim didn't come to the show tonight.
She sent me a text saying that she was accepted for Insurance, though. It was the first time I heard from her in 4 days.
I wonder sometimes what is worse: being completely shut out from/by the mother of my child, or knowing that I will not be able to shield the child from the atrocities that happen in the world he is about to live in.
The only comfort I have is that I know myself well enough that I will try and help him understand everything that man is capable of. Even the completely shitty things. Just so he can be better.

I'm sorry that this was such a downer. I will not write when I'm drunk again.
Good show tonight. I wish you could have seen it. I got two great presents for the baby. One was a hand knit little bunny with very long ears. Just holding him makes you smile.
And the other was a two part recipient gift: A flip cam. For filming sets at The Monday and also for getting footage of Graham. That's him name, by the way.
Graham Atticus Kieffer Brynildson. That name means 'Badass' in latin.

Have a great today.
Andy

Sheepishly, he enters with head low so you won't notice

March, eh?
How about that!
Seems like only yesterday that I was doing something...
Ok. Yeah. You are right. It has been a shit ton of a long time.
So what brings me back?
Lots of things. One, I don't own the domain of Yesandy dot com. And since I don't own it, I don't feel comfortable writing in it. I also don't remember the password. I went through some computer troubles a while ago, and the batcomputer spy machine that I usually use had to be wiped and some other bits that are way too technical for even science. Well, my kind of science. Which is at a steady 10th grade level.
Anyhow, I am back here.
But it really isn't a huge deal, since i haven't written any kind of update since 2010. To say that things have changed would be an affront to the word 'change'
I could re-cap, but my brain is fuzzy on the whirlwind, so instead I will just keep on plugging like I never went away. Cool? Very.

The most important thing I can say about myself for the rest of my life is that I am a father.
Well, soon to be. July 15th is the due date for a little baby Boy.
Now, yes, this is a really huge thing.
It's a human being.
A little version of half of me.
Daunting? Yes.
Exciting? You bet.
I'm at a loss as to what else to write about this. I mean, I know myself pretty well. I know what my faults are, and I know all sorts of stuff about me that I never let anyone know. Not even the closest of the close.

He will probably be an only child, but in a few ways, we have a lot of things in common, which I think will bring us closer together and help develop a relationship that I don't have with my own Dad.
Come, let me list the ways. Join me, won't you?
1)Boy. It's a Boy. Child is the Father of the Man. I am a boy. I was. Am. Are. We. Together, we are dudes.
2)Age separation. Kind of an odd list item, but bear with me. I am closest in age to my Brother, Matt. But by 12 years. Now, this little guy will have TONS of cousins. By Blood and by code of the streets. I ended up finding out the kind of guy I am as an only child. My siblings were all older than me, and i only got to see them on very special weekends where they didn't mind having me around. I like to think that they were mercy visits in order to get me away from my Dad and Step Mom for a bit. A fact that I am almost sure saved my life on more than a few occasions.
3)The nature of the parenting that is going to happen. What? i know, right? ok, so I am not married. In fact, i doubt that I ever will get married at this point. I mean, i have a kid. er. am having. About to have. I am with child as it were. The logistics of things are a bit on the far out side of the spectrum.
It is so different, that I will now end the listing of things and start talking about this. It's kind of important to the story.
Kim is the name of the Mom.
She is a wonderful woman, who I dated for a few months last year.
Now, with Kim, I was playing it safer than I had ever done. Meaning, i was being a nancy and not calling it what it was: Boyfriend/Girlfriend. I wasn't scared of commitment. I mean, i like being in a relationship. I just have trust issues. And not that I was thinking she would cheat on me, it's the breaking up that sucks. If it happens. And the moment you open yourself up to saying 'i love you' well, then all bets are off. I don't like betting. I'm always wrong. And it's only that hindsight where you realize your first instinct is wrong.
I love you. Wait. i think I do. I think this will work. Wait. no it won't.
i want a do over.
Yeah, so we were dating, and I did get really attached. I did fall in love. I kept that part to myself until it was too late.
Then she dumped me in order to sort out her emotional finances, which is my nice way of saying she didn't want to be with me anymore.
ok. no problem. I couldn't be mad at her for her reason. Nature is nature. You have to explore and walk around with a stick that you pretend is a sword.
And yes, i am giving veiled analogies for the real reason she left me.
But then she didn't really leave.
We still hung out. All the time.
She still came to The Monday Show every week.
She still slept over a lot because she hated being at her house. I didnt mind, because I still loved her and liked being around her.
And things were just like it was when we were dating, save for the intimacy.
That kind of sucked.
That really sucked.
We had a couple of moments where we did things that could be labeled as 'one last hurrah'
And that last hurrah, well the result of it will be bounding into the scary world in July and I am charged with protecting him and teaching him things.

There was a plan in place that involved Kim living with her Mom and taking care of baby. That plan is still in effect.
Where do I come in to the picture?
That, dear one, is a VERY good question.
The first half of the pregnancy has been wonderful.
Kim and I talked all the time and we were good friends. I was emotionally supportive, and I was all too happy to run errands for her like getting any and all food that she was craving at the time. When she was over, i did my best to make her comfortable. I was pretty good. She said so herself. It seemed like she was liking the idea of having me around.
About a week ago, she comes over and lets me know that she feels that she has been going at this all alone.
granted, I do not have what people would call 'A Normal Job' I know this. I am taking steps to correct it. I know a lot of men who have children who are far worse off than I am. Either in financial matters or in matters of involvement.
So the job thing is what I HOPE is the deal. I don't know. i have more or less been shut out the last week save for a couple of texts that are cordial and empty of anything resembling deep meaning. Which as we all know is what text messages are for...
I know myself, though. I know I am not my Father. I am a different beast altogether.
I show my emotions like a flasher. I expose embarrassing things about me that no one in their right mind would want out there. I'm going to be the absolute best father that I can be. My world is his now. And I am SO ok with that. I look at his ultrasound picture every day, several times a day. I smile every time. I'm scared. I'm impatient. i want to meet him right now. I want to sing to him and try and make him smile. I want him to feel safe. I just want to be there.
Maybe it is the hormones that is making Kim not want to talk or see me anymore. Or as little as possible. I hope it is just that.
I just wish that she had answers for me, whether I want to hear the answers or not. I feel really alone right now. And add to that, the butterflies of becoming so important to an innocent child, I feel like I'm losing my mind at times.

There is other stuff too. I walked around the Mall of America to cure diabetes. Linds, her Mom, Dad and Sister were there. Bill and Jena Young gave me a lift and we bitched about the early hours together. Legoland is fucking AMAZING now. Totally different from when Svet and I were there. When I am there next, i will take pictures.
We ended the walk by having a Cinnabon in all it's 'Fuck you, Glucose' glory.

The MNCS plugs along. Need established comics to try and bring people to see them perform. It's a lot like pulling teeth, that.

Started a new monthly show I call 'XANADU' It has 2 headlining comics, some guest sets and a band that plays an entire album all the way through.
The first show featured 'The Village Green Preservation Society' by The Kinks.
and Xanadu 2 was Weezer's Pinkerton Album.
There are times when i feel regret. Anyone who says they have no regrets is a bold faced liar. I don't care what you say.

This month, on the 24th, we have a band playing Tom Petty & The Heartbreaker's greatest hits. Should be a good time. Doing this show is teaching me a lot about producing.

We are doing another remount of JAWS THE MUSICAL! Maybe it isnt a remount. it has been 5 years since the last show in Indy.
And I re-wrote the script and added 8 pages. It is pretty good. it was pretty good. It's just better now.
April 14th is opening night. I have a great staff on board, and a great cast.
In all, it's going to be great. More on that soon.

I'm selling all of my action figures that I think may interest nerdy collectors. I always had them because I thought I could use them to send my kid to school. I have since seen the reality of it, and I know they could at least buy some baby things...
It's a first thing first thing.

Well. I think that is enough for now.

Stay Awesome until I have a wild hair and write more. At which time I will tell you again.

Andy

Missing you.

Please say you go to the new website, because there is stuff going on there. I know you can do it.


www.yesandy.com


I love you.


A

Important news

Hi there.

I have a couple news bits to tell you.
This bloggy thing and all it entails will now be seen on another site.

www.yesandy.com

I apologize for the inconvenience, but I will be able to add more things to that site like video from the MNCS and other bits like clips of me trying out that stand up comedy thing.

Also, tonight is the Monday Night Comedy Show. 8pm Minneapolis Time.
It would be great to see you there in person, but if you are suffering from being far away, you can watch it online at

www.mnstandupcomedy.com


Hope you can check it out!

Love and miss you all, but I am always kind of around.

Stay Awesome!

Andy

Something to read for your morning paper.

You always think about wonderful things that happen to you and try to find the time to write about them.
sadly, it doesn't happen until you find a little bit of 'motivation' in your pocket.
Today I am wearing the black jacket with the pockets that are there for decoration.
ergo: No motivation.

I suppose a lot has been happening. I don't know who reads this any more, but this one is for you.
I may repeat a lot of stuff, since you are most likely involved in my day to day, but i think there might be a delegation on Endor that might find this useful intel for my assassination. What ewoks want me dead remains a mystery, but i am ever vigilant about small furry things that live in trees. And want me dead.

My punctuation regarding the first person is still dodgy at best. This is a good summation of where I am in these troubling times. Heh. i punctuated that I, didn't i? But I have never been very good at grammar and proper writing styles. Suck a dick, Faulkner...

I am living in a circle of interests that keep me hanging on like a song from the 80's that escapes me. It's either Kim wilde or Belinda Carlisle. Your choice and it's probably right.

So two months have past and I have to tell you the cliff notes since I am both lazy and not very into self aggrandizing. the joke is in the fact that I still keep a blog... anyone? thank you smart people... Still got it.

MNCS: Still happening. Audience numbers are down and booking of acts is still a pain in my arse.
I do find myself defensive about it still, which is the reason i keep going with it. I love it to death, but i feel that my lack of 'give a shits' lately is leading to its demise.
I know that with the warmer weather it will cease to be a bane in my existence, and I am just venting to no god in particular (dionyses, god of wine and whoopie... spelling to be checked at a later time that will never happen).
I go through bouts of 'fuck this' regarding the show. You know this, I know this. Next week is going to be the best show ever done...blah blah blah. But after 115 of these little nuggets of heartburn, you tend to think that you are all out of ideas to make it funny. I continue to be thankful for the support I get week after week, and without them, there would be nothing to do on Mondays but drink and shoot holes in rusted out cars on cinder blocks in my front yard.

Which leads me to topic the Dos.
I have tried stand up comedy.
Finally after bitching and moaning about it for years.
it happened first at grumpy's on a wednesday.
it was the night of the fringe lottery, which now will become the stone that murders more than one bird...I entered the fringe to try and jump start my producing-directing attempt once more and was picked last.
Absolute last.
out of how many folks with fringy stars upon thars, I was the last one picked for the team.
the fact that I ended up last picked somehow ended up as some sort of 'i am a sore loser' prize. I even did a lap around the venue to high five people for my misfortune.
meanwhile, the silver lining that reared its ironic head was that i was cast moments later as a lead in a musical. More on that at a later time.
So last picked, i found myself at Grumpy's. it is one of the worst rooms to do comedy in the world.
But I had nothing to lose, and it was filled with stand up comics who i consider friends even though most of them don't know I have a last name.
I might as well be like Cher or Bono to them. I am sure they call me the fat one if either of the two analogies ever make it to prime time conversation...
Picture me with nothing left to lose and a head full of PBR and ideas that seemed good at the time.
I signed up to do my first stand up set.
Hindsight says be proud of getting up there, but reality keeps me thinking that I am a masochist.
The set lasted all of 3 to five minutes of rambling and feeling inadequate.
But the die was cast.
I tried it, and i wanted to do better the next time.
So I did The corner bar on friday.
Let's skip that night.
Grumpy's again on wednesday next found me talking about killer whales and hitler.
Moving on.
Jump ahead five spots to the other night and the corner Bar again.
This being my fourth official set.
Better. And moving in an upward plane.
Which means in laymans terms, I keep at it.
Growth as a person/performer/Andy/scruffy looking nerf herder.

I find myself writing more as a result, and notebooks that were reserved for staying blank 'just in case' are not being scribbled on like there is no tomorrow.

I have mild smirks during my alone time to make myself feel better.

And so this is an already long winded diatribe, i continue despite myself.

I have been having dreams about ex people I have loved. or still love. i don't know.
As a dark and sad part of the last year, i have trained myself to disavow any kind of warm and fuzzy feeling and am slowly but surely turning into a vulcan despite my tearing up at the tribute to John Hughes at the oscars.
Feelings are for the weak and I am a rock. An Island. And i have poetry and throwing knives to protect me.
These dreams, to get back on point, are vivid and available to go back and edit after each and every push of the snooze bar.
I would like to think that I have some psychic ability to engage in the subconscious of those i think about, but sadly my super powers of the damned remain to be just in my own head.
I think it's better that way, since against my better judgement, I have 99 problems and it's a safe bet that if you are reading this, you constitute about 90 of them.

Like Boyz 2 Men said: 'It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday'

And yes, i did just go there. And yes, I am thinking about Michael Landon and Jim Henson. And so are you. We finally agree on something. They WOULD make the perfect dad.

At any rate, i am thinking of developing a speed habit to avoid sleep altogether.
I assume I can score drugs like that at local high schools.

What else? Oh, theres lots of things. I think of deleting you from my friends list all the time. Just kidding. it's a joke I am working on.

there is Karaoke and people who speak fluent german and girls who wear eyeliner on their lips and for some reason I have been thinking about dollar stores and Boston and Michigan and Irvington and something called Project X that I am not ready to talk about just yet. Breath.
And nursing and new York and things I should have done and promises I have yet to keep and jewelry repair.
if you have any questions, please know that I have a new cell phone number.
I do have unlimited talk and text and internet access, so keep those facebook updates coming, because i get them all on my phone now. I get a beep every 3 seconds and it's lovely.

In other news, i am an announcer for the Twin Cities Terrors Mens roller Derby league.
It's a small step towards finding a girl who can kick my ass, but a step nonetheless.
The last bout is on the 27th of this month, so I am sure there will be more to tell soon.

Um... I have three pairs of sparkly shoes that I got for a dollar a pair from a store that shouldn't be frequented by a white boy from Indiana. Pictures are available on some random facebook page.
I call them my 'hosting shoes'
My mother thinks I am gay because I wear them, but that is the older generation for you. Another blog, another time.

I am also on a diet now. Watching my shit intake and working out 3x a week. I entered into a contest with Comedian Bill Young to lose 50lbs by June 1st.
So far I have lost 5.
I go to a gym with my friend Troy, and while it isn't the same as when i worked out before, it is actually showing results. Less distractions, i think.
Pictures to follow once I find something in spandex that is tasteful.

I am 31 years old, and I don't see an end in sight.
Either this means I am ok, or I am about to jump the shark and i am due for cancellation. But I do think it's gonna be alright. At least I have lots of material to make fun of. there's that.

I hope you are doing well too. I would read your blog, but I think it is very egotistical to think that one is as interesting as me.
Just kidding. I read your blog whether you think so or not. i'm clever that way.

Till next time, remember to Stay Awesome and be nice to people.

Andybear.

I think I may write tonight. Stay tuned.

one for the books.

Yeah, I know. It's been a while.

2010 has been some kind of bitch, but it is far from over.

Tonight was something I didn't want to happen.

I hope you are doing well, though.

In case you didn't hear, my new number is 612 296 6500

THE PHONE LINES ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

That being said, I hope you have a lovely tomorrow.

Yours,

Andrew


ps- I have something on the horizon known as 'Project X' If it works out, it will be one of those too good to be true dream type things. I'll keep you posted, i promise. But until then, nothing of note has occurred. I have pretty much given up on most things i used to talk about. Happy belated valentines day.

End of another year.

In which, the Boy and his Bear have an end of the year review.

Lots of stuff happened this year, you know.
I know.
There was that one time you were in Indiana for a time.
Yes. Better part of six months, that.
I missed you then. Wondered why you went.
I thought long and hard about it myself. I don't regret it, if that's where you're going.
No, it's just that you are getting on in years and you really need to settle down and find a family.
You mean a wife and kids?
And a dog. Dogs are a fine addition. I once had a stuffed dog. Not the same, I know, but if you believe they are real...
The magic of the nursery?
What the hell are you talking about?
Um. Velveteen Rabbit?
Don't mix any more fiction into this if possible; I know how you like to rant.
I am long winded. That much is true.
Word. Anyhow, you were saying?
What? About family? That was you. You want me to have a dog. I actually kind of had one in Indiana.
What kind was it?
A mix between a black lab and a German shepherd. It had one ear that flopped and one that stood up. Someone abandoned her.
No more metaphors!
I see where you are going. But some guy really did drop her out of a car, and then drove off.
That is terrible!
Yeah. If you have the idea that you want to add a puppy to all the madness around you, you have to have that same idea for a long time.
The dog is still there?
Yes. Being taken care of by good people. I was sad to say goodbye.
To the dog?
To it all.
But you feel better about it now?
No. I don’t think I do.
Sorry to bring it up.
No problem.
What about your show? You still do that, right?
Well yes. It is my favorite night of the week.
Good. Let’s move on to other things. You tend to talk about the MNCS too much.
Very true.
Do you still believe in things?
I think I do. I'm not sure if 2009 was really my year. I did find out a lot about myself, though.
I didn't ask that. I asked about things.
Like what?
Like how little kids are fun when they seem really excited to see you, or sitting outside when you drink coffee at night is the best time.
Well sure, I believe in that stuff. But I thought you were talking about faith in me, I am not so confident these days.
What happened to you?
I was told that I am in a valley.
Your metaphors are weak at best.
Not mine! I was told this by someone I trust, and I think it's true. She was talking about valleys and peaks. It worked for me.
As an explanation as to why?
Not really, but it did a good job of describing my current state. There is so much I want to do still.
Then do it. Do all of those things. Then you might start to believe. Want to smoke some crack with me?
What?
Nothing.
Ah. One of those tests to see if they were paying attention? I can dig it.
I think you should start doing more. The Monday show is great, but you need something else. There is no reason a weekly two hour show should eat up most of your time.
It doesn’t. I have spare time when I am not working.
So what do you do with that time?
I think about doing stuff.
But without actually doing them?
Correct.
Please allow me to beat you over the head with this cinder block I can ‘bearly’ lift. Did you see what I did there?
Clever. Maybe that should be the theme of 2010?
Cinder block violence? Being clever?
Doing, not thinking. Actions speak louder than words… Well, you know what I mean.
If you spend all your time just thinking about the things you should be doing, and not actually accomplishing anything, you are quite lazy.
I am lazy. I should stop that.
Yes. And you should buck up and stop being so mopey. I like you when you are cheerful.
It has been a long time since I was cheerful the way you remember me being.
You had so much potential. You had quite a lot going for you in your 20’s. What happened?
Nothing of any importance when we should be discussing 2009.
I agree. Aside from Indiana, did you travel?
I went to Florida for a bit. And Michigan. Twice.
Meet any new people that you think will be friends for a lifetime?
A couple.
Lose any people?
A couple too many. One person I had only met once, but her loss affected so many of my friends. There are a lot of people hurting out there.
Yes. It’s a shame
I haven’t really any room for complaints. There are billions of people in the world who have it worse off, or have suffered a great deal more than I have this year.
It’s good to put perspective on things. Are you happier now than you were last year at this time?
No. I was perfect last year at this time. Probably the happiest I have been. But in the end, I screwed it up.
Odds are you will be better next year. Maybe even fall in love again.
I’d better start working on it.
But don’t try too hard. You know how you get. Is this the dawn of a new and better Andy?
Let’s not jinx it. How about we say it’s a start of a different Andy.
Ask for more help this time around, ok?
I will.
And let go of the bulk of your hurt. I know you keep that stuff around for too long.
Heh, I’m still working on 2006’s hurt.
You know what you have to do. I believe in you.
I’m starting to believe in you too.
At least there’s that. Have fun tonight, Boy.
You too, Bear.


And then they walked off into the wood looking for different adventures than the ones they had in the last year. What happens next remains to be seen.


I hope you have a great New Years Eve.

See you guys next year!
Until then, Stay Awesome.

Love,
Andy

Forgot to tell you something.

On a more positive note, I will be making more opportunities to shine.

I say it a lot, but this time I mean it: I aim to misbehave.

A