Whatever.

let me preface with a 'I am drunk as a sailor' type metaphor.

I have beside my little netbook computer a salad that goes by the name of 'Chef'
I got it from my friendly neighborhood super America, who goes by the cryptic name of 'Speedway' in other parts of the world.
'Speedway' is an Ojibwa word meaning 'you gave up on nutrition a long time ago'.
It is a block away from my house, so I would be remiss if i were to not shop there and stimulate my local economy.
Also, the points I have accrued are close to buying me a lake home. (not sure about that, but I am sure they offer it. Might have to check the brochure, though)

That being said, i am distracted by it. I haven't eaten anything today because my eating habits are wonky as of late because of all this pesky 'Emotion' that I have been enduring.
Christ on toast, i do hate being a fucking musical theatre nerd sometimes.
Give me Phantom before football or Secret Garden in front of beer.
I worry that one day my Son will think that Nascar and Fantasy football are real things.
I do admit one thing: Long before I knew that I would be a father, back when Waynes World was a new release... I was listening to the 'Starlight Express' Soundtrack, and I thought that the title track would be a wonderful thing to sing to my own child as a lullaby.
In admitting this, i have to kill you.
but there you go.

I was going to tell you about a thing I thought earlier today... Oh yes! I think it had something to do with where I am right now.
Darkness.
mysterious bleak and desolate darkness.
It has nothing to do with my personal bits of hoo ha which bore even the most patient of Tibetan Monk.
It's more of a rant about the world and people I love more than anything ever.
And since this is MY soapbox, I shall talk till the talking is talka talka talk.
(you ever write a word and think it looks odd? Even though you know it is right because spell check didn't underline it with a squidgy red line? Talk... talk. Talktalktalk... hmmm. I digress.
Ok, so here is where dude is right now:
Japan has a lot of shit going down. Earthquakes and Tsunami bullshit. Makes you wonder if we are next. god knows that America, as decadent as we are, are due for a natural disaster like a mo-fo. But here we are. Most of Japan is messed right the hell up. And yet people are STILL talking about how Charlie Sheen is being a dipshit.
The day after it happened, which technically was a handful of hours after it happened, there were more youtube videos floating around than stuff about one of those kardashian monsters. And that is hard to do. And also, i puked a bit in my mouth when i wrote about a kardashian. Those things have no place here on my soapbox, especially when i am talking about something as real as the tragedy that is building daily in Japan after their huge quake.
I wonder why people aren't freaking out more about it.
I mean, this stuff is obviously more devastating than Katrina was. Well, not to those affected by Katrina... But looking at the videos, and hearing the prospected numbers of those killed. jesus, guys. Imagine the shitstorm that would happen if it were to happen in, say, Chicago.
It boggles my mind. And I am in no state to offer opinion on anything except legoland at the Mall of America. (awesome, by the way.)
I don't pray very much. It isnt a rule, but I am not the prayin' type. However, i found myself talking to whatever God I thought would listen to me twice this week. once was for personal stuff regarding my son, and the other was for anyone within a thousand miles of anything related to Japan's earthquake.
I have no idea why this has affected me so much. Maybe because of all the other shit that is considered 'news' while this is going on. I don't know. I have a LOT of other stuff going on. I am really good at distracting myself. I have been immersed in episodes of MST3K like it is some sort of dialysis and if I don't see at least 2 hours of witty commentary on B movies, my liver will fail.
But even while I am one of the best people around when it comes to checking myself out of reality, I am constantly drawn to this horrendous chain of events. I am thinking about my own situation, selfishly of course, and that little enormous fact that 9 million people share a birthdate on planet Earth.
NINE MILLION.
And that is just a stupid wikipedia number. It grows daily.
My Son will share his own birthday with a ton of other people. And a big number of those people will have been affected by a tragedy like an earthquake in Japan. Or something like extreme poverty or illness that cannot be cured or hate or something that I cannot think about because my mind is cluttered with silly personal worry.
I apologize for freaking out, but ALL I can think about is what i am bringing my son into.
I fear for him. i want the world he is introduced to to be one of safety. Someplace where he can live a long and happy life filled with every opportunity. I am sure that each and every person who has a child feels these same fears. I'm like a broken record, and nothing I say is new or clever.
But i swear, knowing that the most important person in my life for the next bajillion years(since he and i will both live forever) It really is messing with my head.
I have been really immature thus far, and to have an event that slaps me across the face so hard like becoming a FATHER... it is something I just don't have a frame of reference for.
I think of my friend James, who is enlisting in the Military for the SECOND time, just to make sure his family is safe and secure... He is a fucking hero. I can't respect anyone more. It kills me that I cannot get to Indy to see him off. All because I need some stupid amount of hours at work so I can maybe buy some diapers one day in the future or pay a bill to a company that has millions.
I want to hug him and say how much he inspires me. Fuck you, world, for making money so damn critical. And Fuck ME for thinking that being responsible is more important.
Well anyway. I at least know where i would rather be. I never thought it would be Indianapolis.
At least can write him letters. There is that.
Know what I don't like being? An emotional wreck. That is a major bummer.
Kim didn't come to the show tonight.
She sent me a text saying that she was accepted for Insurance, though. It was the first time I heard from her in 4 days.
I wonder sometimes what is worse: being completely shut out from/by the mother of my child, or knowing that I will not be able to shield the child from the atrocities that happen in the world he is about to live in.
The only comfort I have is that I know myself well enough that I will try and help him understand everything that man is capable of. Even the completely shitty things. Just so he can be better.

I'm sorry that this was such a downer. I will not write when I'm drunk again.
Good show tonight. I wish you could have seen it. I got two great presents for the baby. One was a hand knit little bunny with very long ears. Just holding him makes you smile.
And the other was a two part recipient gift: A flip cam. For filming sets at The Monday and also for getting footage of Graham. That's him name, by the way.
Graham Atticus Kieffer Brynildson. That name means 'Badass' in latin.

Have a great today.
Andy

Sheepishly, he enters with head low so you won't notice

March, eh?
How about that!
Seems like only yesterday that I was doing something...
Ok. Yeah. You are right. It has been a shit ton of a long time.
So what brings me back?
Lots of things. One, I don't own the domain of Yesandy dot com. And since I don't own it, I don't feel comfortable writing in it. I also don't remember the password. I went through some computer troubles a while ago, and the batcomputer spy machine that I usually use had to be wiped and some other bits that are way too technical for even science. Well, my kind of science. Which is at a steady 10th grade level.
Anyhow, I am back here.
But it really isn't a huge deal, since i haven't written any kind of update since 2010. To say that things have changed would be an affront to the word 'change'
I could re-cap, but my brain is fuzzy on the whirlwind, so instead I will just keep on plugging like I never went away. Cool? Very.

The most important thing I can say about myself for the rest of my life is that I am a father.
Well, soon to be. July 15th is the due date for a little baby Boy.
Now, yes, this is a really huge thing.
It's a human being.
A little version of half of me.
Daunting? Yes.
Exciting? You bet.
I'm at a loss as to what else to write about this. I mean, I know myself pretty well. I know what my faults are, and I know all sorts of stuff about me that I never let anyone know. Not even the closest of the close.

He will probably be an only child, but in a few ways, we have a lot of things in common, which I think will bring us closer together and help develop a relationship that I don't have with my own Dad.
Come, let me list the ways. Join me, won't you?
1)Boy. It's a Boy. Child is the Father of the Man. I am a boy. I was. Am. Are. We. Together, we are dudes.
2)Age separation. Kind of an odd list item, but bear with me. I am closest in age to my Brother, Matt. But by 12 years. Now, this little guy will have TONS of cousins. By Blood and by code of the streets. I ended up finding out the kind of guy I am as an only child. My siblings were all older than me, and i only got to see them on very special weekends where they didn't mind having me around. I like to think that they were mercy visits in order to get me away from my Dad and Step Mom for a bit. A fact that I am almost sure saved my life on more than a few occasions.
3)The nature of the parenting that is going to happen. What? i know, right? ok, so I am not married. In fact, i doubt that I ever will get married at this point. I mean, i have a kid. er. am having. About to have. I am with child as it were. The logistics of things are a bit on the far out side of the spectrum.
It is so different, that I will now end the listing of things and start talking about this. It's kind of important to the story.
Kim is the name of the Mom.
She is a wonderful woman, who I dated for a few months last year.
Now, with Kim, I was playing it safer than I had ever done. Meaning, i was being a nancy and not calling it what it was: Boyfriend/Girlfriend. I wasn't scared of commitment. I mean, i like being in a relationship. I just have trust issues. And not that I was thinking she would cheat on me, it's the breaking up that sucks. If it happens. And the moment you open yourself up to saying 'i love you' well, then all bets are off. I don't like betting. I'm always wrong. And it's only that hindsight where you realize your first instinct is wrong.
I love you. Wait. i think I do. I think this will work. Wait. no it won't.
i want a do over.
Yeah, so we were dating, and I did get really attached. I did fall in love. I kept that part to myself until it was too late.
Then she dumped me in order to sort out her emotional finances, which is my nice way of saying she didn't want to be with me anymore.
ok. no problem. I couldn't be mad at her for her reason. Nature is nature. You have to explore and walk around with a stick that you pretend is a sword.
And yes, i am giving veiled analogies for the real reason she left me.
But then she didn't really leave.
We still hung out. All the time.
She still came to The Monday Show every week.
She still slept over a lot because she hated being at her house. I didnt mind, because I still loved her and liked being around her.
And things were just like it was when we were dating, save for the intimacy.
That kind of sucked.
That really sucked.
We had a couple of moments where we did things that could be labeled as 'one last hurrah'
And that last hurrah, well the result of it will be bounding into the scary world in July and I am charged with protecting him and teaching him things.

There was a plan in place that involved Kim living with her Mom and taking care of baby. That plan is still in effect.
Where do I come in to the picture?
That, dear one, is a VERY good question.
The first half of the pregnancy has been wonderful.
Kim and I talked all the time and we were good friends. I was emotionally supportive, and I was all too happy to run errands for her like getting any and all food that she was craving at the time. When she was over, i did my best to make her comfortable. I was pretty good. She said so herself. It seemed like she was liking the idea of having me around.
About a week ago, she comes over and lets me know that she feels that she has been going at this all alone.
granted, I do not have what people would call 'A Normal Job' I know this. I am taking steps to correct it. I know a lot of men who have children who are far worse off than I am. Either in financial matters or in matters of involvement.
So the job thing is what I HOPE is the deal. I don't know. i have more or less been shut out the last week save for a couple of texts that are cordial and empty of anything resembling deep meaning. Which as we all know is what text messages are for...
I know myself, though. I know I am not my Father. I am a different beast altogether.
I show my emotions like a flasher. I expose embarrassing things about me that no one in their right mind would want out there. I'm going to be the absolute best father that I can be. My world is his now. And I am SO ok with that. I look at his ultrasound picture every day, several times a day. I smile every time. I'm scared. I'm impatient. i want to meet him right now. I want to sing to him and try and make him smile. I want him to feel safe. I just want to be there.
Maybe it is the hormones that is making Kim not want to talk or see me anymore. Or as little as possible. I hope it is just that.
I just wish that she had answers for me, whether I want to hear the answers or not. I feel really alone right now. And add to that, the butterflies of becoming so important to an innocent child, I feel like I'm losing my mind at times.

There is other stuff too. I walked around the Mall of America to cure diabetes. Linds, her Mom, Dad and Sister were there. Bill and Jena Young gave me a lift and we bitched about the early hours together. Legoland is fucking AMAZING now. Totally different from when Svet and I were there. When I am there next, i will take pictures.
We ended the walk by having a Cinnabon in all it's 'Fuck you, Glucose' glory.

The MNCS plugs along. Need established comics to try and bring people to see them perform. It's a lot like pulling teeth, that.

Started a new monthly show I call 'XANADU' It has 2 headlining comics, some guest sets and a band that plays an entire album all the way through.
The first show featured 'The Village Green Preservation Society' by The Kinks.
and Xanadu 2 was Weezer's Pinkerton Album.
There are times when i feel regret. Anyone who says they have no regrets is a bold faced liar. I don't care what you say.

This month, on the 24th, we have a band playing Tom Petty & The Heartbreaker's greatest hits. Should be a good time. Doing this show is teaching me a lot about producing.

We are doing another remount of JAWS THE MUSICAL! Maybe it isnt a remount. it has been 5 years since the last show in Indy.
And I re-wrote the script and added 8 pages. It is pretty good. it was pretty good. It's just better now.
April 14th is opening night. I have a great staff on board, and a great cast.
In all, it's going to be great. More on that soon.

I'm selling all of my action figures that I think may interest nerdy collectors. I always had them because I thought I could use them to send my kid to school. I have since seen the reality of it, and I know they could at least buy some baby things...
It's a first thing first thing.

Well. I think that is enough for now.

Stay Awesome until I have a wild hair and write more. At which time I will tell you again.

Andy

Missing you.

Please say you go to the new website, because there is stuff going on there. I know you can do it.


www.yesandy.com


I love you.


A

Important news

Hi there.

I have a couple news bits to tell you.
This bloggy thing and all it entails will now be seen on another site.

www.yesandy.com

I apologize for the inconvenience, but I will be able to add more things to that site like video from the MNCS and other bits like clips of me trying out that stand up comedy thing.

Also, tonight is the Monday Night Comedy Show. 8pm Minneapolis Time.
It would be great to see you there in person, but if you are suffering from being far away, you can watch it online at

www.mnstandupcomedy.com


Hope you can check it out!

Love and miss you all, but I am always kind of around.

Stay Awesome!

Andy

Something to read for your morning paper.

You always think about wonderful things that happen to you and try to find the time to write about them.
sadly, it doesn't happen until you find a little bit of 'motivation' in your pocket.
Today I am wearing the black jacket with the pockets that are there for decoration.
ergo: No motivation.

I suppose a lot has been happening. I don't know who reads this any more, but this one is for you.
I may repeat a lot of stuff, since you are most likely involved in my day to day, but i think there might be a delegation on Endor that might find this useful intel for my assassination. What ewoks want me dead remains a mystery, but i am ever vigilant about small furry things that live in trees. And want me dead.

My punctuation regarding the first person is still dodgy at best. This is a good summation of where I am in these troubling times. Heh. i punctuated that I, didn't i? But I have never been very good at grammar and proper writing styles. Suck a dick, Faulkner...

I am living in a circle of interests that keep me hanging on like a song from the 80's that escapes me. It's either Kim wilde or Belinda Carlisle. Your choice and it's probably right.

So two months have past and I have to tell you the cliff notes since I am both lazy and not very into self aggrandizing. the joke is in the fact that I still keep a blog... anyone? thank you smart people... Still got it.

MNCS: Still happening. Audience numbers are down and booking of acts is still a pain in my arse.
I do find myself defensive about it still, which is the reason i keep going with it. I love it to death, but i feel that my lack of 'give a shits' lately is leading to its demise.
I know that with the warmer weather it will cease to be a bane in my existence, and I am just venting to no god in particular (dionyses, god of wine and whoopie... spelling to be checked at a later time that will never happen).
I go through bouts of 'fuck this' regarding the show. You know this, I know this. Next week is going to be the best show ever done...blah blah blah. But after 115 of these little nuggets of heartburn, you tend to think that you are all out of ideas to make it funny. I continue to be thankful for the support I get week after week, and without them, there would be nothing to do on Mondays but drink and shoot holes in rusted out cars on cinder blocks in my front yard.

Which leads me to topic the Dos.
I have tried stand up comedy.
Finally after bitching and moaning about it for years.
it happened first at grumpy's on a wednesday.
it was the night of the fringe lottery, which now will become the stone that murders more than one bird...I entered the fringe to try and jump start my producing-directing attempt once more and was picked last.
Absolute last.
out of how many folks with fringy stars upon thars, I was the last one picked for the team.
the fact that I ended up last picked somehow ended up as some sort of 'i am a sore loser' prize. I even did a lap around the venue to high five people for my misfortune.
meanwhile, the silver lining that reared its ironic head was that i was cast moments later as a lead in a musical. More on that at a later time.
So last picked, i found myself at Grumpy's. it is one of the worst rooms to do comedy in the world.
But I had nothing to lose, and it was filled with stand up comics who i consider friends even though most of them don't know I have a last name.
I might as well be like Cher or Bono to them. I am sure they call me the fat one if either of the two analogies ever make it to prime time conversation...
Picture me with nothing left to lose and a head full of PBR and ideas that seemed good at the time.
I signed up to do my first stand up set.
Hindsight says be proud of getting up there, but reality keeps me thinking that I am a masochist.
The set lasted all of 3 to five minutes of rambling and feeling inadequate.
But the die was cast.
I tried it, and i wanted to do better the next time.
So I did The corner bar on friday.
Let's skip that night.
Grumpy's again on wednesday next found me talking about killer whales and hitler.
Moving on.
Jump ahead five spots to the other night and the corner Bar again.
This being my fourth official set.
Better. And moving in an upward plane.
Which means in laymans terms, I keep at it.
Growth as a person/performer/Andy/scruffy looking nerf herder.

I find myself writing more as a result, and notebooks that were reserved for staying blank 'just in case' are not being scribbled on like there is no tomorrow.

I have mild smirks during my alone time to make myself feel better.

And so this is an already long winded diatribe, i continue despite myself.

I have been having dreams about ex people I have loved. or still love. i don't know.
As a dark and sad part of the last year, i have trained myself to disavow any kind of warm and fuzzy feeling and am slowly but surely turning into a vulcan despite my tearing up at the tribute to John Hughes at the oscars.
Feelings are for the weak and I am a rock. An Island. And i have poetry and throwing knives to protect me.
These dreams, to get back on point, are vivid and available to go back and edit after each and every push of the snooze bar.
I would like to think that I have some psychic ability to engage in the subconscious of those i think about, but sadly my super powers of the damned remain to be just in my own head.
I think it's better that way, since against my better judgement, I have 99 problems and it's a safe bet that if you are reading this, you constitute about 90 of them.

Like Boyz 2 Men said: 'It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday'

And yes, i did just go there. And yes, I am thinking about Michael Landon and Jim Henson. And so are you. We finally agree on something. They WOULD make the perfect dad.

At any rate, i am thinking of developing a speed habit to avoid sleep altogether.
I assume I can score drugs like that at local high schools.

What else? Oh, theres lots of things. I think of deleting you from my friends list all the time. Just kidding. it's a joke I am working on.

there is Karaoke and people who speak fluent german and girls who wear eyeliner on their lips and for some reason I have been thinking about dollar stores and Boston and Michigan and Irvington and something called Project X that I am not ready to talk about just yet. Breath.
And nursing and new York and things I should have done and promises I have yet to keep and jewelry repair.
if you have any questions, please know that I have a new cell phone number.
I do have unlimited talk and text and internet access, so keep those facebook updates coming, because i get them all on my phone now. I get a beep every 3 seconds and it's lovely.

In other news, i am an announcer for the Twin Cities Terrors Mens roller Derby league.
It's a small step towards finding a girl who can kick my ass, but a step nonetheless.
The last bout is on the 27th of this month, so I am sure there will be more to tell soon.

Um... I have three pairs of sparkly shoes that I got for a dollar a pair from a store that shouldn't be frequented by a white boy from Indiana. Pictures are available on some random facebook page.
I call them my 'hosting shoes'
My mother thinks I am gay because I wear them, but that is the older generation for you. Another blog, another time.

I am also on a diet now. Watching my shit intake and working out 3x a week. I entered into a contest with Comedian Bill Young to lose 50lbs by June 1st.
So far I have lost 5.
I go to a gym with my friend Troy, and while it isn't the same as when i worked out before, it is actually showing results. Less distractions, i think.
Pictures to follow once I find something in spandex that is tasteful.

I am 31 years old, and I don't see an end in sight.
Either this means I am ok, or I am about to jump the shark and i am due for cancellation. But I do think it's gonna be alright. At least I have lots of material to make fun of. there's that.

I hope you are doing well too. I would read your blog, but I think it is very egotistical to think that one is as interesting as me.
Just kidding. I read your blog whether you think so or not. i'm clever that way.

Till next time, remember to Stay Awesome and be nice to people.

Andybear.

I think I may write tonight. Stay tuned.

one for the books.

Yeah, I know. It's been a while.

2010 has been some kind of bitch, but it is far from over.

Tonight was something I didn't want to happen.

I hope you are doing well, though.

In case you didn't hear, my new number is 612 296 6500

THE PHONE LINES ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

That being said, I hope you have a lovely tomorrow.

Yours,

Andrew


ps- I have something on the horizon known as 'Project X' If it works out, it will be one of those too good to be true dream type things. I'll keep you posted, i promise. But until then, nothing of note has occurred. I have pretty much given up on most things i used to talk about. Happy belated valentines day.