End of another year.

In which, the Boy and his Bear have an end of the year review.

Lots of stuff happened this year, you know.
I know.
There was that one time you were in Indiana for a time.
Yes. Better part of six months, that.
I missed you then. Wondered why you went.
I thought long and hard about it myself. I don't regret it, if that's where you're going.
No, it's just that you are getting on in years and you really need to settle down and find a family.
You mean a wife and kids?
And a dog. Dogs are a fine addition. I once had a stuffed dog. Not the same, I know, but if you believe they are real...
The magic of the nursery?
What the hell are you talking about?
Um. Velveteen Rabbit?
Don't mix any more fiction into this if possible; I know how you like to rant.
I am long winded. That much is true.
Word. Anyhow, you were saying?
What? About family? That was you. You want me to have a dog. I actually kind of had one in Indiana.
What kind was it?
A mix between a black lab and a German shepherd. It had one ear that flopped and one that stood up. Someone abandoned her.
No more metaphors!
I see where you are going. But some guy really did drop her out of a car, and then drove off.
That is terrible!
Yeah. If you have the idea that you want to add a puppy to all the madness around you, you have to have that same idea for a long time.
The dog is still there?
Yes. Being taken care of by good people. I was sad to say goodbye.
To the dog?
To it all.
But you feel better about it now?
No. I don’t think I do.
Sorry to bring it up.
No problem.
What about your show? You still do that, right?
Well yes. It is my favorite night of the week.
Good. Let’s move on to other things. You tend to talk about the MNCS too much.
Very true.
Do you still believe in things?
I think I do. I'm not sure if 2009 was really my year. I did find out a lot about myself, though.
I didn't ask that. I asked about things.
Like what?
Like how little kids are fun when they seem really excited to see you, or sitting outside when you drink coffee at night is the best time.
Well sure, I believe in that stuff. But I thought you were talking about faith in me, I am not so confident these days.
What happened to you?
I was told that I am in a valley.
Your metaphors are weak at best.
Not mine! I was told this by someone I trust, and I think it's true. She was talking about valleys and peaks. It worked for me.
As an explanation as to why?
Not really, but it did a good job of describing my current state. There is so much I want to do still.
Then do it. Do all of those things. Then you might start to believe. Want to smoke some crack with me?
What?
Nothing.
Ah. One of those tests to see if they were paying attention? I can dig it.
I think you should start doing more. The Monday show is great, but you need something else. There is no reason a weekly two hour show should eat up most of your time.
It doesn’t. I have spare time when I am not working.
So what do you do with that time?
I think about doing stuff.
But without actually doing them?
Correct.
Please allow me to beat you over the head with this cinder block I can ‘bearly’ lift. Did you see what I did there?
Clever. Maybe that should be the theme of 2010?
Cinder block violence? Being clever?
Doing, not thinking. Actions speak louder than words… Well, you know what I mean.
If you spend all your time just thinking about the things you should be doing, and not actually accomplishing anything, you are quite lazy.
I am lazy. I should stop that.
Yes. And you should buck up and stop being so mopey. I like you when you are cheerful.
It has been a long time since I was cheerful the way you remember me being.
You had so much potential. You had quite a lot going for you in your 20’s. What happened?
Nothing of any importance when we should be discussing 2009.
I agree. Aside from Indiana, did you travel?
I went to Florida for a bit. And Michigan. Twice.
Meet any new people that you think will be friends for a lifetime?
A couple.
Lose any people?
A couple too many. One person I had only met once, but her loss affected so many of my friends. There are a lot of people hurting out there.
Yes. It’s a shame
I haven’t really any room for complaints. There are billions of people in the world who have it worse off, or have suffered a great deal more than I have this year.
It’s good to put perspective on things. Are you happier now than you were last year at this time?
No. I was perfect last year at this time. Probably the happiest I have been. But in the end, I screwed it up.
Odds are you will be better next year. Maybe even fall in love again.
I’d better start working on it.
But don’t try too hard. You know how you get. Is this the dawn of a new and better Andy?
Let’s not jinx it. How about we say it’s a start of a different Andy.
Ask for more help this time around, ok?
I will.
And let go of the bulk of your hurt. I know you keep that stuff around for too long.
Heh, I’m still working on 2006’s hurt.
You know what you have to do. I believe in you.
I’m starting to believe in you too.
At least there’s that. Have fun tonight, Boy.
You too, Bear.


And then they walked off into the wood looking for different adventures than the ones they had in the last year. What happens next remains to be seen.


I hope you have a great New Years Eve.

See you guys next year!
Until then, Stay Awesome.

Love,
Andy

Forgot to tell you something.

On a more positive note, I will be making more opportunities to shine.

I say it a lot, but this time I mean it: I aim to misbehave.

A

To late to say I'm sorry. What does it matter? Why should I care...

It was supposed to be different this year.


In a good way.


I am sick of saying 2007, 2008, 2009 will be MY year.

2010 is going to be A year.

All this remains to be seen. I just dont feel I was given the opportunities I needed to shine.
Every fucking year, huh kids?

Enough now.
A

Tweaking out on what ended up being 4 very strong cups of coffee.

I haven't been writing about my trip. I'm sure you have noticed and have been more than a little concerned.
I am wresting this feeling of sadness about certain parts of my life. One of them being the fact that there are some people who read this, and think it accurately reflects the goings on in my life.
The things I write here are not absolute. This is a moment. And everything is comprised of many of those.

I know what you are thinking, 'Andy, are you getting introspective while sitting at the downtown Indianapolis Dunkin Donuts?'

As a matter of fact...

But this is not the platform for I wish, I wanted or I should have's. Those should be left for late night conversations at a perkins or an embers that doesn't exist anymore due to economic progress.

I saw my friends last night. Not all of them, but enough to keep me safe in the fact that I am loved. I get that in the Twin Cities as well, but Indy has a sort of magnetic pull towards the wistful for me. Is that a thing? I am going to make it one if it isn't.
Pants breaks my heart with cuteness. I didn't get to see Adam, and i know I will be freaked out by how big he is when i see him next. They grow so fast is so accurate. Cliche, but accurate.

I saw a post secret today that said 'I want to get my next Christmas tree with you' It made me very sad. Might be one of those holidays, you know?

And yes, I noticed that this post isn't going anywhere as well. And yet you keep reading in the hopes that I will start talking about my trip... Read on.

My father moved to Michigan the other day. It has been a clusterfuck of emotion. Trying to deal with a parent who is having a latter day crisis is just like i said: It's trying.
I don't recall if I wrote about what went down that gets us to me heading back to Minneapolis.
Here is the short version in regards to today:

Male parent left for California for a gold rush 151 years too late.
Same parent purchased a home on the shores of lake Huron. one of the lesser of the great lakes, but no slouch when it comes to bodies of water.
I was called into service because of my heavy lifting skills and ability to pack boxes and knick knacks like it's a giant game of tetris.
I arrive in Indianapolis.
We pack.
We drive a Uhaul truck to the Thumb of Michigan's lower Peninsula.
We unload the goods in a garage attached to the home that sits on the lake that the parent bought. he bought the house, not the lake. I thought I made that clear. You are not paying attention.
We stay in a motel that night because the house has not officially been purchased. He closes the deal and signs papers on Tuesday.
The motel is from 1959, and the heat does not work properly.
We drive back to Indy.
I start to feel like I won't see my father again for a very long time.
I get a ride to irvington, where I spend the night in the house I had spent 5 months of self exploration, discovery, heartache and growth. It has only been a months since I had slept there. Almost to the day.
I internalize all sighs and the need to scream 'I miss you and need you all in my life more than I ever let on'
Pants tells me where her nose, ears, chin and hair are and grabs my necklace one last time. She probably won't do that the next time I see her. They grow so fast. She gives me a kiss goodnight, and I know it is because she misses me. I miss her too. Her parents don't suck, either.

James gives me a lift downtown before he goes to his Naval reserve day. I am at a Dunkin Donuts, and I am about to go to Chicago.

Seriously, though. Your Mom is Chicago (is not) Chicago.
That soul Coughing song is running through my head almost constantly for the last two hours.
I am on my 3rd cup of coconut coffee, and I think about who I wish were here drinking it with me. I fear I may be starting to move on.

There's much more I want to talk about, but I don't want to bore you.

Monday Night Comedy Show is tomorrow at 8pm. Audience numbers are down. Foolish to think we could sustain opening night numbers. Going to need to start a guerrilla marketing campaign. That, or change it to a bible study show.

One more cup of coffee, then I leave.

Happy Sunday, alright?

Stay Awesome, or the Titans will beat the Colts and other football references that sound awkward coming from me.
Andy

When in Illinois, one must blog about it. and I saved a kid.

Chicago.
A love/hate relationship if there ever was. I love to hate this town.
I keep hoping someone will show me a good time in this burg, and I came really close when I was at nick Vogt's wedding a few years ago. Lisa and Jenny were there, so life was about as perfect as Chicago allows. I remember riding the train feeling like ass because I was sad that two of my closest were on the road going the opposite direction from me.
The nearest I had felt that way was when I was on the train coming back to Minneapolis earlier in November.
And that's another thing: It is now December 1st. Your Mom is December 1st. I am NOT impressed so far, and we are nine and a half hours in.
I am sitting in the Union Station Caribou Coffee. The nice lady behind the counter told me how much she liked my scarf, and i told her without hesitation that my friend Lisa made it for me in about 20 minutes. I think the Minnesota has infected me again when in other cities. This lady doesn't know Lisa. Nor will she ever know Lisa. Unless I am completely engulfed by the Scandinavian madness and invite her down to Indy for a weekend getaway. This lady was rather attractive. And she smiled when I was being silly. Fine. I will add the bagel and shmeer for a dollar. I am such a sucker.

I remember LeighLeigh telling people she could sell a ketchup Popsicle to an Eskimo wearing white gloves on a hot summer day. I don't need that kind of salesperson. I just need some cute girl who reaches about six feet and smells like coffee. Oh, and she wore those Lisa Loeb glasses. yeah...
So see you later, folks. I am living in the Caribou Coffee just off the canal until my sanity returns.

And we're back.

So my breakfast with an old friend didn't work out today. She was on her way, then called into a meeting in a suburb. Maybe Sunday. It's only been two years...Whats another six days?

So what else can I tell you? Don't take megabus? Ok. Don't do that. yeah it's cheap, but you get what you pay for.
It would be a horse of a different color if they would make the driver tell the people to form a fucking line. Just start a cue. that's all. it's like a Kohls on Black Monday every time they start loading. And let me tell you, I really hate line cutters.
They are like locust people. Locust people from space who eat babies.
Oh, speaking of babies, some little kid totally fell out of his seat in the middle of the night. Right in front of me.
And I saved him.
I always sit on teh lower level of the double decker bus because I don't like people who ride the bus (read:I don't like myself) Anyhow, this little guy was sitting with his mom, and she was asleep. He woke up and started exploring. he was a little less than two. I can never tell. AnniePants looks like she's 17 already. they grow so fast...
They are sitting on the opposite side of the aisle and those seat are a bit more elevated. Kid is sitting on the outside seat (bad parenting) and sits up and leans over the armrest.
And keeps leaning. like a Lemur.
Just over the edge. I'm seeing this in slow motion, and the older lady next to me shifts suddenly because she sees him too.
Activate robot ninja reflexes.
the kid is going headfirst onto the aisle of the megabus, but I fucking catch him! Can you dig that hot shit?!
I was really proud of myself, and I could tell that the old lady was too, but she just let out a whispered 'Whew'
The Mom woke up and grabbed her son and strapped him into the seat. She did give me this look like I was really trying to steal him and take his youth. Whatever. I am an unsung hero today. The little guy would have really hurt himself. Your welcome, sleepy inattentive mom. If I was falling over the edge of a ravine (metaphor for Bus aisle) you can bet that my Mom would be there to catch me. AND she would have a hallmark card. And it would have a dollar for every year I have been alive inside. just saying, my mom is ever vigilant. also, your cell phone makes too much noise when you text. Turn that shit off. MY mom doesn't even know what texting is.
I digress.
Another bit that was strange was that he made NO SOUND WHATSOEVER. His creepy silence leads me to believe he is the next incarnation of the Buddha, and is wise beyond his years. But The Buddha would not topple over an armrest for no reason whatsoever but to teach me a lesson in humility or respect for life or something deep. Maybe he just wanted the mean old lady sitting next to me to talk to me. Seriously. I said hello. I even offered her some beef jerky. Whatever. I am a kid saver and I earned a place in nirvana. Not the band. The Ethereal plane where badass heroes go when they are killed on a megabus headed to chicago.

So yeah. I thought that that would be a great opener for a trip to Indianapolis.
I feel accomplished. Maybe December will be a good karma month.

Ok. I have to down this wretched coffee and catch my connector to Indy.
Catch you on the flip.

Stay Awesome or I won't say 'Bless you' when you sneeze.
Andy