I did it. it's official.
I changed my ringtone. And it is so cool.
I hope for your sake you are next to me when I get a call.
Speaking of official things:
I am the proud owner of www.mondaynightcomedyshow.com
Since I am of the poor persuasion these days, I don't have the cash to actually make a site that works. maybe soon, though. I just need some corporate sponsors and a benefactor.
Sadly, that will have to wait since I lost all my charm and charisma in the war.
The Show looks like it is shaping up so far.
Bookings are full for the first two weeks back, and the 30th of November is almost done too.
WonderDave is going gangbusters with the booking of amazing spoken word and slam acts. He has people well into the first of the year.
Such a showoff.
On a more somber note, I have been taking stock of things lately. Trying to figure out what my problem is. Why i feel like I can do very little right, and how to get that spring in my step that used to be there.
Consider the last ten years of my life.
On second thought, think of ten years ago and then think of now. Or recently, as it were.
Ten years ago was 1999.
Now-ish is 2009.
Math lesson over.
Where was I then? I was moving to Indianapolis to be with someone I loved very much.
Where am I this year? Or more to the point: What was I doing a few months ago up until what seems recent, but isnt? I moved to Indianapolis to be with someone I loved very much.
There is a very scary parallel to these stories. They are both people I still love. They are people who will be in my life for a long time, I think. Well, I hope.
Am I stuck in an endless loop of my own creation, or is it just a messed up coincidence?
Was Lincoln secretary named Kennedy? Was Kennedy's secretary named Lincoln?
Am I a fool who chooses the wrong fights in my head for the sake of going mad in the least amount of time?
It all boils down to me not being confident in any choice i make, so I rarely make them anymore.
The choice i make concerning love might just be my last one. But then my last one was my last one and so on and so on until I make it back to 1999.
Now that song is in my head, and all I want to do is go to sleep and not have to think about anything.
But now I am worried about everything and frustrated that I cannot control any aspect of my life aside from who I choose to have silly infatuations with that will ultimately go nowhere. It all goes nowhere, right? I'm that crazy cat lady who gets to watch everyone he has ever loved be with someone else. Or at least I am going to be. 41 year old Andrew is headed to Indianapolis yet again to watch everything he wanted turn from platinum to earthtone in a span of six months or less.
None of this make sense to you. I'm going through a process in my head.
Tonight there is a screaming 21 and 31 year old hoping that the 41 year old isn't feeling as lonely.
A
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
No clever title.
The public side of Andrew is getting to be more social.
But there is a private side that just wants to sit in a room with no lights on and think about things I cannot change.
Things are getting better, though. The impending move back to Minneapolis is daunting and there are many list items that need to be addressed.
I need to ship many items back via fedex. The reason being is that my Dad gave me a huge old typewriter that he used to use for his work at Neilson. The thing is huge and works like a dream. It was serviced to mint condition seemingly moments before he set it on a shelf and never used it again. It also came with enough extra ribbon to last until typewriters come back into style.
It weighs about 100 pounds and since I am prone to calling things I like very cool names, I have named this beast The Anvil of Crom. (the former name of my defunct moped project bike...sigh)
So that bad boy is coming with me on the train.
And I am shipping almost everything else.
Which needs to happen soon, as I leave in a little more than a week.
My Gods is that coming up fast.
I really wish things had worked out the way they were going to go in my head.
I also wish that my self esteem wasn't set at zero.
These are things I need to stop worrying about and begin to love the bomb...
I am not so deluded that I think that a simple move back to the Twin Cities will automatically make everything sunshine and rainbows. It will be as much an uphill battle there as it is here.
But I have my reasons for going back, and I have to start living for ME again. And not a dream life revolving around anyone else.
There will be single-ness that I will need to strictly adhere to.
Not to say that my trust in long term relationships is gone the way of my love of Crystal pepsi or OK Soda. I still believe in love and joy and puppies and Tabasco sauce and post it notes and bottle caps. those are things I associate with dating, by the way.
I think i am going to be more cautious from now on. And I will never put myself in a position to hurt or be hurt by persons again.
Interesting thing about my time in Indy: I feel much less passive aggressive now.
This will be a Hell of a thing to take back to Minneapolis, where Passive aggression is mixed with the fluoride they put in the drinking water.
Not to say I am going to punch people more and write mean comments on facebook walls.
I'm still the me that you fell in love with. But I am most certainly not same person you fell out of love with.
Consider an Andy without reservations. that would be an interesting Andy indeed.
A post with greater detail about Indy and my people here will be coming soon.
In the meantime, the in between time, I have laundry that hasn't learned to do itself.
And I am sure you have somewhere you ought to be.
Stay Awesome
Andy
But there is a private side that just wants to sit in a room with no lights on and think about things I cannot change.
Things are getting better, though. The impending move back to Minneapolis is daunting and there are many list items that need to be addressed.
I need to ship many items back via fedex. The reason being is that my Dad gave me a huge old typewriter that he used to use for his work at Neilson. The thing is huge and works like a dream. It was serviced to mint condition seemingly moments before he set it on a shelf and never used it again. It also came with enough extra ribbon to last until typewriters come back into style.
It weighs about 100 pounds and since I am prone to calling things I like very cool names, I have named this beast The Anvil of Crom. (the former name of my defunct moped project bike...sigh)
So that bad boy is coming with me on the train.
And I am shipping almost everything else.
Which needs to happen soon, as I leave in a little more than a week.
My Gods is that coming up fast.
I really wish things had worked out the way they were going to go in my head.
I also wish that my self esteem wasn't set at zero.
These are things I need to stop worrying about and begin to love the bomb...
I am not so deluded that I think that a simple move back to the Twin Cities will automatically make everything sunshine and rainbows. It will be as much an uphill battle there as it is here.
But I have my reasons for going back, and I have to start living for ME again. And not a dream life revolving around anyone else.
There will be single-ness that I will need to strictly adhere to.
Not to say that my trust in long term relationships is gone the way of my love of Crystal pepsi or OK Soda. I still believe in love and joy and puppies and Tabasco sauce and post it notes and bottle caps. those are things I associate with dating, by the way.
I think i am going to be more cautious from now on. And I will never put myself in a position to hurt or be hurt by persons again.
Interesting thing about my time in Indy: I feel much less passive aggressive now.
This will be a Hell of a thing to take back to Minneapolis, where Passive aggression is mixed with the fluoride they put in the drinking water.
Not to say I am going to punch people more and write mean comments on facebook walls.
I'm still the me that you fell in love with. But I am most certainly not same person you fell out of love with.
Consider an Andy without reservations. that would be an interesting Andy indeed.
A post with greater detail about Indy and my people here will be coming soon.
In the meantime, the in between time, I have laundry that hasn't learned to do itself.
And I am sure you have somewhere you ought to be.
Stay Awesome
Andy
Sunday, October 18, 2009
One of those things in life.
Tonight I danced with a beautiful girl.
She is about two feet tall and likes crackers.
Sometimes when she thinks I am not looking, and music is playing, she swings her arms and bounces.
Her smile melts my heart.
Sometimes when I go upstairs or head outside for adventures of who knows what kind, she waves goodbye.
When I hold her, she grabs my necklace and tries to force it in my mouth. Most of the time, it is endearing.
When I am folding clothes, she helps by throwing them on the ground.
When she senses that I am sad, she will cleverly hand me some of her toys to make me feel better.
Tonight I danced with a beautiful girl.
And it was one of those moments where I felt sad that I'm going home because She is the only person I tell absolutely everything to.
She never judges or tells me that what I am feeling is wrong.
Not that others do all of the time, but this one, She's consistent.
And you have to admire consistent listening skills.
She is about two feet tall and likes crackers.
Sometimes when she thinks I am not looking, and music is playing, she swings her arms and bounces.
Her smile melts my heart.
Sometimes when I go upstairs or head outside for adventures of who knows what kind, she waves goodbye.
When I hold her, she grabs my necklace and tries to force it in my mouth. Most of the time, it is endearing.
When I am folding clothes, she helps by throwing them on the ground.
When she senses that I am sad, she will cleverly hand me some of her toys to make me feel better.
Tonight I danced with a beautiful girl.
And it was one of those moments where I felt sad that I'm going home because She is the only person I tell absolutely everything to.
She never judges or tells me that what I am feeling is wrong.
Not that others do all of the time, but this one, She's consistent.
And you have to admire consistent listening skills.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
The stuff of dreams.
While I am fighting the sickness of a thousand dying suns, I wanted to tell you all about this dream I had the other day.
To preface, I was laying down for a nap after being on the front porch for hours taking a gander at www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com Truly a funny site. My favourite is the captions that go with the pictures that are primarily from the early 90's when fashion stopped and was replaced by acid washed evil.
Good stuff.
So I was laying down for a long Autumn nap before I had to help move a grill with my buddy Fingers.
My friends let me sleep longer than anticipated, and it was greatly appreciated since I got to have an adventure of a curious sort with some of my childhood heroes.
I was a mother effen heimer Ghostbuster.
The child that still resides in 1985 was scratching his way to the surface. I remember going to see the first showing of this timeless classic at The Boulevard Theater in south Minneapolis (off of Lyndale and Diamond lake road. it is now a Hollywood Video, Subway and some other little bistro. but the marquee is still there. Telling me that childhood memories are easily replaced with whatever passes for 'Progress'
I found myself in a huge old mansion. I was on the top floor which looked like a cross between a warehouse used for a rehearsal for 'FAME' and the top floor of Edward Scissorhand's house. Bill Murray and I were sweeping up the years of dust and debris. Come to think about it, he was just there. I was doing all the work. While sweeping, I noticed a small spider was biting my knuckles. I am sure this means something, but I am also sure that Bill Murray not doing any work means more.
In dreams, you transition quickly into rooms and situations. This was no different. I was descending what must have been the servant's stairwell. to go see what the others were up to.
Going up the stairs at a very fast pace was Fred Beukema. A friend from Minneapolis, and one of the members of the now defunct Mime Rifle improv team.
He was wearing a white labcoat, and I asked him if he thought it was as cool as I did that we were Ghostbusters. He said that he wasn't a ghostbuster, just a token scientist. I was upset for him.
Bill Murray and I made it to the great hall of the Mansion, where the other members of the group were. In the room with them were their wives and children.
They were going through what looked to be the contents of a sizeable costume and prop collection from a large theatre. I later realized that that is what the mansion used to be: A Theatre.
I remember all the Ghostbusters being excited at all the ornate costumes. The wives were sitting there not amused.
I called out 'remember everyone, if you find any knives or swords, I call dibs'
Just then, Dan Ackroyd yelled "I found one!" he was holding up a huge battle axe.
All of the other Ghostbusters immediately held up swords and weapons of their own and were very excited. Ackroyd then threw the battle axe up to the ceiling in a swift cartoonish motion. The tip of the axe caught his beltloop and through the magic of dreams, he went up with it. The axe stuck in the ceiling, and he was dangling there like a scene from a Laurel & Hardy movie. Everyone laughed except for Ernie Hudson who was genuinely worried about his friend.
And then Lisa woke me up.
So that was my rather anti-climactic dream about Ghostbusting. But mostly sweeping floors with Bill Murray. And seeing Fred, who I haven't seen in a long time.
Did I mention that Harold Ramis only responded to the name 'Tricky'? I doubt that has any meaning at all.
In other news, I have moved my tickets with some degree of difficulty to November 4th.
I don't think there is anything more anti-climactic than that, considering my mood about it. More on that another time.
Stay Awesome,
Andy
To preface, I was laying down for a nap after being on the front porch for hours taking a gander at www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com Truly a funny site. My favourite is the captions that go with the pictures that are primarily from the early 90's when fashion stopped and was replaced by acid washed evil.
Good stuff.
So I was laying down for a long Autumn nap before I had to help move a grill with my buddy Fingers.
My friends let me sleep longer than anticipated, and it was greatly appreciated since I got to have an adventure of a curious sort with some of my childhood heroes.
I was a mother effen heimer Ghostbuster.
The child that still resides in 1985 was scratching his way to the surface. I remember going to see the first showing of this timeless classic at The Boulevard Theater in south Minneapolis (off of Lyndale and Diamond lake road. it is now a Hollywood Video, Subway and some other little bistro. but the marquee is still there. Telling me that childhood memories are easily replaced with whatever passes for 'Progress'
I found myself in a huge old mansion. I was on the top floor which looked like a cross between a warehouse used for a rehearsal for 'FAME' and the top floor of Edward Scissorhand's house. Bill Murray and I were sweeping up the years of dust and debris. Come to think about it, he was just there. I was doing all the work. While sweeping, I noticed a small spider was biting my knuckles. I am sure this means something, but I am also sure that Bill Murray not doing any work means more.
In dreams, you transition quickly into rooms and situations. This was no different. I was descending what must have been the servant's stairwell. to go see what the others were up to.
Going up the stairs at a very fast pace was Fred Beukema. A friend from Minneapolis, and one of the members of the now defunct Mime Rifle improv team.
He was wearing a white labcoat, and I asked him if he thought it was as cool as I did that we were Ghostbusters. He said that he wasn't a ghostbuster, just a token scientist. I was upset for him.
Bill Murray and I made it to the great hall of the Mansion, where the other members of the group were. In the room with them were their wives and children.
They were going through what looked to be the contents of a sizeable costume and prop collection from a large theatre. I later realized that that is what the mansion used to be: A Theatre.
I remember all the Ghostbusters being excited at all the ornate costumes. The wives were sitting there not amused.
I called out 'remember everyone, if you find any knives or swords, I call dibs'
Just then, Dan Ackroyd yelled "I found one!" he was holding up a huge battle axe.
All of the other Ghostbusters immediately held up swords and weapons of their own and were very excited. Ackroyd then threw the battle axe up to the ceiling in a swift cartoonish motion. The tip of the axe caught his beltloop and through the magic of dreams, he went up with it. The axe stuck in the ceiling, and he was dangling there like a scene from a Laurel & Hardy movie. Everyone laughed except for Ernie Hudson who was genuinely worried about his friend.
And then Lisa woke me up.
So that was my rather anti-climactic dream about Ghostbusting. But mostly sweeping floors with Bill Murray. And seeing Fred, who I haven't seen in a long time.
Did I mention that Harold Ramis only responded to the name 'Tricky'? I doubt that has any meaning at all.
In other news, I have moved my tickets with some degree of difficulty to November 4th.
I don't think there is anything more anti-climactic than that, considering my mood about it. More on that another time.
Stay Awesome,
Andy
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I'm a tease...
Remind me to tell you about a terrific dream I had yesterday. it was so good!
Precursor: I was a Ghostbuster. Oh you are excited!
Ever yours,
Andy
Precursor: I was a Ghostbuster. Oh you are excited!
Ever yours,
Andy
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Now dig this.
A writer apparently writes. I am told this by many dear friends who want me to better myself and get out of this cloudy funk I have been in for the past Summer.
Now it is fall.
With Fall comes the staying indoors almost all of the time, watching paint dry or catching up on shows via Hulu.
I have been getting out more the last few days. Being social has taken away a lot of time I usually devote to brooding.
My break up with Amanda had a huge toll on me. And now she has officially moved on, so I need to follow suit.
Unfortunately, I still care a great deal for her and have the whole 'living next door' thing going on. I know I want her to be a part of my life, but most understand the need to keep a distance after a split. If only to actually achieve a level of friendship. Ours has been strained. I know it's a two way thing, but I am prone to take it all on my shoulders.
Not healthy, I know.
Fuck it. I can talk till I'm blue int eh face about it, but it boils down to me finally understanding/accepting that I can do not one blasted thing about what went wrong with us.
I'm moving on. Slowly and with unsure footing. Recently, I had to come to terms with this at about 100 miles an hour. Which is pretty fast if you are used to running only 25 minute miles.
I'm taking a lot of things with me from this Summer in Indiana. One is a diminished trust for relationships, which is good, since I don't want one for a while. Of course, people say this, and then hop right into one. Hopefully I can be strong and stick to my guns. It sounds worse than it is. But I have a penchant for the dramatic...
And yes, I am going back home. The flip flop and sudden clarity amidst foggy judgment is done. I will not talk about this anymore. The moving/living/staying/going thing.
I may delve into feelings and heartache on occasion, but I trust anyone who reads this is used to me by now.
But yeah. I feel like a fuckup. My own doing, I know. I decide how I feel.
I'm going to be back in Minneapolis hopefully within a month. (early November)
Whether or not I can still do the MNCS at the Beat remains to be seen. Kepp your fingers crossed that I haven't burned any bridges with Joel by being gone when i have said I would be back. I am also worried about people in MN who are sick of my indecisive bullshit. I suppose those who are done with me are the ones not worth it. But I do so like being liked... Or 'Like Liked' My gods, am I insatiable or what?
Also, I will be needing a job, so if you have any leads or are hiring someone yourself, please keep me in mind.
I am trying to not look at this as a tail between my legs thing.
This is positive, and very badly needed.
I don't really care for how I have handled things here, nor my attitude about much of anything.
Lisa says it isn't a geographical thing, and I know it isn't. But this has become, for me, a geographical thing. I am complex with many many layers of drama. Much like an onion who only does Mamet plays.
I did just get off the phone with Joel. So there is an edit to be made.
The 3rd season of The Monday Night Comedy show will be taking place on November 16th.
I'm going to go celebrate now, because it's been a while since I have looked forward to something I really really needed.
Maybe things are looking up.
I will be remembering what it means to Stay Awesome.
More soon,
Andy
Now it is fall.
With Fall comes the staying indoors almost all of the time, watching paint dry or catching up on shows via Hulu.
I have been getting out more the last few days. Being social has taken away a lot of time I usually devote to brooding.
My break up with Amanda had a huge toll on me. And now she has officially moved on, so I need to follow suit.
Unfortunately, I still care a great deal for her and have the whole 'living next door' thing going on. I know I want her to be a part of my life, but most understand the need to keep a distance after a split. If only to actually achieve a level of friendship. Ours has been strained. I know it's a two way thing, but I am prone to take it all on my shoulders.
Not healthy, I know.
Fuck it. I can talk till I'm blue int eh face about it, but it boils down to me finally understanding/accepting that I can do not one blasted thing about what went wrong with us.
I'm moving on. Slowly and with unsure footing. Recently, I had to come to terms with this at about 100 miles an hour. Which is pretty fast if you are used to running only 25 minute miles.
I'm taking a lot of things with me from this Summer in Indiana. One is a diminished trust for relationships, which is good, since I don't want one for a while. Of course, people say this, and then hop right into one. Hopefully I can be strong and stick to my guns. It sounds worse than it is. But I have a penchant for the dramatic...
And yes, I am going back home. The flip flop and sudden clarity amidst foggy judgment is done. I will not talk about this anymore. The moving/living/staying/going thing.
I may delve into feelings and heartache on occasion, but I trust anyone who reads this is used to me by now.
But yeah. I feel like a fuckup. My own doing, I know. I decide how I feel.
I'm going to be back in Minneapolis hopefully within a month. (early November)
Whether or not I can still do the MNCS at the Beat remains to be seen. Kepp your fingers crossed that I haven't burned any bridges with Joel by being gone when i have said I would be back. I am also worried about people in MN who are sick of my indecisive bullshit. I suppose those who are done with me are the ones not worth it. But I do so like being liked... Or 'Like Liked' My gods, am I insatiable or what?
Also, I will be needing a job, so if you have any leads or are hiring someone yourself, please keep me in mind.
I am trying to not look at this as a tail between my legs thing.
This is positive, and very badly needed.
I don't really care for how I have handled things here, nor my attitude about much of anything.
Lisa says it isn't a geographical thing, and I know it isn't. But this has become, for me, a geographical thing. I am complex with many many layers of drama. Much like an onion who only does Mamet plays.
I did just get off the phone with Joel. So there is an edit to be made.
The 3rd season of The Monday Night Comedy show will be taking place on November 16th.
I'm going to go celebrate now, because it's been a while since I have looked forward to something I really really needed.
Maybe things are looking up.
I will be remembering what it means to Stay Awesome.
More soon,
Andy
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