Now dig this.

A writer apparently writes. I am told this by many dear friends who want me to better myself and get out of this cloudy funk I have been in for the past Summer.
Now it is fall.
With Fall comes the staying indoors almost all of the time, watching paint dry or catching up on shows via Hulu.
I have been getting out more the last few days. Being social has taken away a lot of time I usually devote to brooding.
My break up with Amanda had a huge toll on me. And now she has officially moved on, so I need to follow suit.
Unfortunately, I still care a great deal for her and have the whole 'living next door' thing going on. I know I want her to be a part of my life, but most understand the need to keep a distance after a split. If only to actually achieve a level of friendship. Ours has been strained. I know it's a two way thing, but I am prone to take it all on my shoulders.
Not healthy, I know.
Fuck it. I can talk till I'm blue int eh face about it, but it boils down to me finally understanding/accepting that I can do not one blasted thing about what went wrong with us.
I'm moving on. Slowly and with unsure footing. Recently, I had to come to terms with this at about 100 miles an hour. Which is pretty fast if you are used to running only 25 minute miles.
I'm taking a lot of things with me from this Summer in Indiana. One is a diminished trust for relationships, which is good, since I don't want one for a while. Of course, people say this, and then hop right into one. Hopefully I can be strong and stick to my guns. It sounds worse than it is. But I have a penchant for the dramatic...
And yes, I am going back home. The flip flop and sudden clarity amidst foggy judgment is done. I will not talk about this anymore. The moving/living/staying/going thing.
I may delve into feelings and heartache on occasion, but I trust anyone who reads this is used to me by now.

But yeah. I feel like a fuckup. My own doing, I know. I decide how I feel.
I'm going to be back in Minneapolis hopefully within a month. (early November)
Whether or not I can still do the MNCS at the Beat remains to be seen. Kepp your fingers crossed that I haven't burned any bridges with Joel by being gone when i have said I would be back. I am also worried about people in MN who are sick of my indecisive bullshit. I suppose those who are done with me are the ones not worth it. But I do so like being liked... Or 'Like Liked' My gods, am I insatiable or what?
Also, I will be needing a job, so if you have any leads or are hiring someone yourself, please keep me in mind.
I am trying to not look at this as a tail between my legs thing.
This is positive, and very badly needed.
I don't really care for how I have handled things here, nor my attitude about much of anything.
Lisa says it isn't a geographical thing, and I know it isn't. But this has become, for me, a geographical thing. I am complex with many many layers of drama. Much like an onion who only does Mamet plays.

I did just get off the phone with Joel. So there is an edit to be made.
The 3rd season of The Monday Night Comedy show will be taking place on November 16th.
I'm going to go celebrate now, because it's been a while since I have looked forward to something I really really needed.
Maybe things are looking up.

I will be remembering what it means to Stay Awesome.

More soon,
Andy