And so we move ever onward...

I am non confrontational by nature. Maybe it came from being Minnesotan. Maybe it came from living with My Dad during the years when I should have been fighting and cussing and gettin' bloodied up and wrastlin' bears. I just don't fight well.
I can sign petitions till my fingers are wobbly, and I can click a facebook application that somehow magically makes rainforests grow back or makes people realize that punching kids is wrong. I can actually click those apps longer than I can sign petitions.
I don't remember protesting anything in my life. I mean the kind you go to and hold a sign and chant a rhyming couplet that is both clever and thought provoking.
Maybe I don't go looking for things like that.
I heard that North Central High School is mounting a production of 'The Laramie Project'
That is the play based on the murder of Matthew Shephard, who in 1998 was killed because he was homosexual.
He was a victim of a hate crime, which I think is a ridiculous label for any kind of crime. He was murdered. That is a bad enough crime. You don't have to qualify it.
His Mother probably doesn't think much about the 'why he's dead' but much more the 'he is dead'
Her loss was 11 years ago, and this play about the townsfolk reaction to his murder (I have not seen it) is still making people think about how awful people can be to each other because of differences.
It is also being protested. Or rather, has been protested as of thursday afternoon.
apparently there is a church in Kansas that is all about hating things because they string up phrases from the bible and take them as literal truth. With unwavering devotion. Anyway, this group of churchy zealots travel all across the country holding up signs that say awful things.
Things like 'God Hates Fags' and 'Matthew Shephard is Burning in Hell' They also have ones that say Obama is the Beast, but I don't think that has anything to do with being gay...
Every once in a while you try and wrap your head around why people are the way they are. Obviously it has a lot to do with parenting. Kids don't really have a say in what religion they are a part of, their parents make the choice for them.
It must be the same way with hate.
I am really really glad my folks didn't hate anyone. I can't remember any point in my life where I heard anything mean come from my Mom. And while I lived with how intimidating my Father was, he didn't spout off racist comments or tell me I shouldn't be friends with certain people. I feel lucky because I have to make a conscious choice to dislike someone, But it is never about what color their skin is, or who their heart chooses to love. I dislike people because they are fucking assholes.
But you, I'm pretty sure you are alright.
If I ever am lucky enough to have children (not looking too good for your 31+ hero), I would hope that that is one trait I could pass to them. And it isn't like it would be a hard thing. It would really suck to have a racist kid, because then they would fall under that whole 'Fucking asshole' category.
Also, every racist person I have ever met is physically unattractive. I would have good looking tolerant children.
I felt I was going somewhere with that. Sorry for losing the choo choo of thought.

In other news, I am Roller Derby crazy.
Lisa, pants and I went to the farmer's market a couple weeks ago and wandered into the big building that serves as the nerve center of Ellenberger park. There was a Roller derby practice going on for the Circle City Socialites. I loved going to MN Rollergirl bouts with John, and a couple of Northstar Bouts with Haugie and Linds. I missed it. If you get a chance, you should go.
It was a closed practice, so one of the refs skated over and kicked us out. But before he did, I chatted him up and found that there is a Men's league that is taking novice skaters. And that is SO me. I cannot skate at all. But I am willing to fall as many times as it takes to eventually fuck some shit up. And that is ironic, because as stated earlier, I am non confronty. Yet here I am waning to be on a team sport. The geeky theatre kid in me cries alone in the night...
Sadly, this all costs money that selling plasma will not finance.
So the job hunt continues, and one more lofty idea is placed on a shelf next to unread books and letters that deserve replies.

In personal news, I am still single and looking for absolutely nothing to change that. I feel like I should be on the prowl, but think that it's best I am alone to think about shit and why I am the way I am and write blogs about nothing in particular. I hear chicks dig that. And scars...

As per usual, Stay Awesome.

Andy

Huh. That's odd.

The new post is below the last one. i don't know how that happened, and i am sure I cannot do it again.

Later...

A promise.

I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky that I will post tomorrow.
I have one in the works, but you know me as the guy who takes days and weeks to produce little content.

And in the end, you get no quality or content.

This is my promise to you.


here is something to keep you busy:


Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits

A lovestruck romeo sings a streetsus serenade
Laying everybody low with me a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it ?

Juliet says hey its romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
Hes underneath the window shes singing hey la my boyfriends back
You shouldnt come around here singing up at people like that
Anyway what you gonna do about it ?

Juliet the dice were loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget the movie song
When you wanna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet ?

Come up on differents streets they both were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals ?

Where you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything you promised me think and thin
Now you just says oh romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him

Juliet when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above Ill love you till I die
Theres a place for us you know the movie song
When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet ?

I cant do the talk like they talk on tv
And I cant do a love song like the way its meant to be
I cant do everything but Id do anything for you
I cant do anything except be in love with you

And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All do is keep the beat and bad company
All I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
Julie Id do the stars with you any time

Juliet when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above Ill love you till I die
Theres a place for us you know the movie song
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong Juliet ?

A lovestruck romeo sings a streetsus serenade
Laying everybody low with me a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it ?



I was just thinking about that song last night.

Till then, Stay Awesome.

Andy

As promised.

August has come and gone.
It seems like I was just saying that about July and talking about how it was my birthday.
Now, as it so happens, I am just shy of two months into my 31st year.
Things are going about on par with everything thus far.
I love it when I rhyme without intention.

There is an edit to make in my super sad and awful posting from a couple weeks ago:
I wrote that I 'hated it here'
Well, In little bracket-like-parenthesis-do jobs, I wrote 'Taps on chest'
It was a metaphor for where I am inside.
The head is clear enough, but I found myself growing tired of the usual parenthesis

THIS JUST IN AS OF 9/17/2009

MUCH More editing and time passes.

The nights keep getting colder and lonelier in the House of Danger.
My name will remain the same for a long time due to the loss of what was a new beginning to a blossoming relationship. Had i gotten married, it would have become
Andrew (David) Danger King-Brynildson. I still do like that 'Danger King' part...
The story is sad but true:
In which, Amanda and I were together for what seemed like moments. Trying again to have what was a trying long distance relationship while I was in Minneapolis, and she was here in Indy.
That 'getting back together' was one of the main reasons why the updates were so few and far between. I was happy we were back on a 'together' track, but as it turns out, it wasn't meant to last for very long.
Lots of staring off into space with glazed over eyes and a hollow pit in what was once my inside area.
You know the drill: Food tastes bad, but is still there to comfort you because it wants you as much as you want it (food is love/eat your emotions in the form of sugary snacky things). Music only has lyrics aimed at the lonely broken hearted. Sunsets are avoided because what's the point in looking at them alone? You watch laugh out loud comedies and when you actually do laugh out loud it feels weird because you think you should be crying instead. And then, of course, you do cry because you want this all to go away.
You go through all this for the Glory and the Power of love, but there isn't any Pat Morita to train you into a fighting machine.
If you caught that reference, I applaud you.
So I mope and I dwell and I drink and I sit stone faced in the company of friends because I am too sad to do much else. And then I lather, rinse, repeat.
You have been there, I am there now, we shall all go down together...
I will move on because I don't care much for thinking about something that in my mind was leading to an alter made of stones with groups of friends and family watching and waiting for the cake and the dancing.
That stuff will have to wait for someone else. Probably Bill and Jen, who tie the knot in October of next year. (Where I will STILL be the Officiant...What? Still you say? Was there any doubt? Read on, dear reader, read on)

I am lost right now. Not lost in the sense that I am on an Island filled with book clubs and Polar Bears (can you tell I only got to Season 2 of lost? Maybe a bit of season 3?)
I'm trying to find where I belong. What clan I should be wearing the tartan of.
What zip code to make people send all those letters that I need to receive, yet have no drive or follow through to send letters of my own out. Did that make sense? I'm lazy. It boils down to that. i should write a fucking letter sometime. jeez.
Moving. The tour must keep moving....
I was supposed to be here two months and some change.
It was a three hour tour as it were, and I had the tickets all set up for my triumphant return to the Twin Cities where I could safely be that guy who lives in him Mother's basement and thinks about what he did wrong in life to get him to that station.
Instead, I am a guest in a house of one of my best friends, her husband (who might as well be my Brother) and their Daughter who is the light of anyone's life just by looking at her and seeing her smile.
I do what I can around the house to help out. I turn off lights that they accidentally leave on, I do the dishes when everyone is asleep and I cobble shoes in the night so that they can have some bread with their soup. Seriously, does no one understand me but me? Is this thing even on?

At any rate, I am going through a mid life crisis a bit earlier than scheduled. I have very low self esteem in regards to every part of my life. Be it Job, relationships or body issues, I am in a dark and stormy place. The way I see it, I need a challenge. Something so terrifying to me that it kicks my ass in gear and I start moving forward in an upward direction.
I see myself as moving forward in a stay in the same rut kind direction. It needs to stop. I need to grow as a person. And as several other things.
There are things I want to do, and to do them (and I know it sounds stupid to some)I need to stay in Indy for a bit.

I am sure more on that later, as I need to explain more. Right now, I am at a loss.

My writing has slowed down to a trickle in the last few weeks, and it is troubling. But i still have the desire to do it, just not the drive. I need to pick up a six pack of motivation and change my heathen ways.
At least I kind of like typing.
My father gave me an old typewriter of his that he used for work years ago. He even had an extra box of ribbons, so the thing should last the rest of my life. it's one of those huge electric ones with the ball of letters instead of the arms that have one letter a piece.
It weighs about a hundred pounds.
I call it Beast. Sometimes I have found myself calling it Hank McCoy, but that is for another blog about being a nerd.
For all its glory, Beast will pale in comparison to the machine that awaits me in Minnesota. Lindsey and Roni got me an antique typewriter for my birthday. It needs new ribbon, but I am sure I can find somewhere that would have it. And it is about 100 years old. Excited for that is an understatement.
yep. loads of stuff. I have forgotten most of what I wanted to tell you. I have heard from a few people that they were worried about me because I sort of fell off the face of the planet.
Even my precious facebook has suffered my absence.
But I am back now, and ready to hold your hands as I help you up the mountain of life as we hike into tomorrow and other metaphors I am too lazy to write too much more just now.

Puppy update:
A while ago, I mentioned that we had found a puppy in the middle of the street.
She was left by some asshat in a huge hoopty with penis compensation rims.
he opened the passenger door. Pushed her out. Closed the door. Drove away.
We immediately fed and watered her.
I instantly fell in love with her, for she is a puppy.
And that night, we decided to adopt her forever and ever.
By 'that night' I mean after we had gone to The Metro, Josh Carson's favourite bar in Indianapolis, to sing karaoke.
We were a bit tipsy when we got home, and though I wanted to call her 'Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer' I was outvoted.
Since we had been singing total Eclipse of the Heart at the top of our lungs at the bar, Bonnie Tyler was the official name of the dog.
she is a Black lab/ German Shepherd mix.
Very friendly, and near perfect. All she needs is wings and fire breath. Those things would make the perfect puppy. Maybe a unicorn horn... But I digress.
Amanda added a middle name of 'Olivia' and since it was not rejected outright, it too has stuck. I secretly call her 'Starfire' in my head, though. Tell no one.

I assure you I will tell more later, as there is other stuff I want to talk about.
Tonight i am going out to try and develop some kind of social life outside of these sacred walls.

Wish me luck. I don't really like clubs.

Stay Awesome for me.

Andy

fail

no home
no job
no money
no love
no kids
no family


Is this what it's like to hit rock bottom? to realize fully and wholly that every decision you have made thus far has resulted in failure?
This is not 'staying awesome'
this is something much much darker. staying awesome didnt mean anything anyway.
there was a post before this, but it doesn't matter anymore.
I hate it here now. .
I am in Carmel for three and a half days.
so begins my vision quest.


I was raised better than this.