If I were in a movie, it would be called 'Rando'

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux"

Pretty pretentious, having a quote in French without any explanation.
But alas, here we are.

My writing has been Baby-Heavy lately, just like my thoughts.
I get these emails from 'What to expect dot com', which I call my Baby nerd website.
Though Lise might cringe, as she steered me away from the book of the same name (sans the dot com)
And she was right, By the way. That book is BRUTAL. Everything you want to hear, but with 100 pounds of 'This is the stuff that can go wrong and probably will' added to it.
I told Kim to not read it because I trust Lisa's word. I, however, was curious. I wish I hadn't.

So today i find out that my child can hear everything and can also do Math and stuff.
The self deprecating part of me decides that he is already smarter than me in every way. I'm just feeling low because I found out that I didnt get a job I really wanted. Something that would pay well, and give great benefits to both Kim and to Graham.
I felt like a total failure.
I still do.
I know that doing theater and producing shows will never actually make any money. I was just hoping that doing it for 4 years might give me some kind of discernible skill. Sadly, no.

Anyway, I ended the night with a really good MNCS. I haven't felt good about a show in at least a month. Well, at least on my end. Haven't felt funny lately, i guess.
Everything I did felt forced. I think that one thing that helped was that i talked with Kim today. We were due to have late lunch after she got off of work. but work for her today was crazy nuts, so she called to give me a heads up. maybe she was just in a calm in the storm, but I like to think she used up all of her break just to talk to me. She told me about her lunch with her Dad, and that 'My' Son has been keeping her up all the time due to kicking. She always says 'your Son' when it is an annoying thing for her. I am strangely ok with that. :)
I told her I didn't get the job, and she acknowledged it. It made me feel a bit better. I don't know why. Maybe because it's Her, and i want her to know that I AM looking. I'm trying. But like I said, Four years of hosting a Comedy Show doesn't mean anything in the Job-world.
I hope to grow up, but I don't want my Son to think that wasting away in a corporate world is what it's like to be an adult.

And it's things like that that make me think I will be a bad father...

I swear I won't mention the word 'Craft' in any way but ironic. But I hope above all things that he gets Kim's visual art abilities and my whatever I have to offer.
Maybe he will be very good at worrying. Or a working knowledge of which starship Enterprise was featured in which series or motion picture.
I think I need to read more. Maybe take a continuing education class on excel or powerpoint.

What did you do today, Andy?
Oh, i felt sorry for myself most of the time. Spoke with the Mother of my child for a bit. That cheered me up a little, and then I worked on the Monday show stuff and made a female shark costume for JAws The Musical... A point of interest was when I was peeling layers of elmers glue off my fingers and pretending that it was skin while screaming in fake pain to no one in particular. In a British accent (which is my go-to voice in my head)
You know, normal stuff.
My Boy doesn't have a chance.

Oh, today my blood sugar got so low because of not eating that for some reason my left hand started to shake uncontrollably. that was odd.
For five minutes straight, I thought I had the beginning stages of Parkinson's Disease. To the point where I did online research.
And then, after I had finally eaten something and the shaking went away, i started doing some looking into leprosy because I was pulling chunks of elmers glue off my hands. And that evolved into schizophrenia research because for some reason I talk to myself in a British accent. Everything comes full circle, I swear to you.

Again, my boy doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of being normal. But He WILL be interesting...

In other news, tonight was out 167th show. And it was a great one. No one heckled me to shut up, which I see as a triumph.
Jason kruger did a 5 minute set that everyone enjoyed, and we had a fun lineup in addition. Kate Urquhart is my favorite MNCS Comic in residence. That is where we have someone do 5 all new minutes of jokes each week.
It is one of those things I think of at random and it happened to work. I have people asking about doing it at least every other week. (and to be honest, I did it so the audience wouldn't get bored hearing the same jokes over and over) But it also challenges the comics who do it. Kate really works hard, and comes up with great stuff. If I can make it so the show is ONLY new stuff, I will be a very happy dude.
But coming up with 5 new minutes a week is no small feat. I am happy with people trying is all. I want my audience to keep coming back with the thought 'What will happen this week?'
And I certainly don't want Linds, Jason or Roni to be bored. The show needs them too much.

Ok, so this was a very ranty-tangent post.
Basically, I wanted to stress how much i dislike making shark costumes. I don't think I made that clear.
Still, I am pretty good at it. If making shark costumes that look like they were made by a three year old with a working knowledge of shitty costumes should look like is a skill.
Target corp should have a department devoted to just that.

Until that happens, keep reading and stay awesome.

Andy