I need your help, ObiWan

I am at a loss.

I have a birthday that is celebrating the 29th anniversary of my 1st birthday, and I don't know what to do.

How do I celebrate it?

I don't have a credit card, nor the money, so I cannot put a deposit down on a lakefront cabin, or a partybus (which would be most fun. The karaoke one)

And I'll be damned if I am going to go to the green mill.

I want to be with my friends, at least the ones who want to be with me.

It's a big birthday, so I want to have fun. Memorable fun.

Suggestions. Now.

The birthday itself is on July 10, but the party should be on Friday, July 11th.

I really could use some help. I'm starting to get sad about it being lame.


Thank you!

Andybear

I'm quite glad the magic works...

The trick of the trade for today is:

Opening the creamer carafe to make the half and half come out.

Oh, and tip your barista, nerd.
And by 'Nerd', I mean 'Old guy'

Today is a really nice day. I am running on less than three hours of shut eye, and the herd hasn't come back to the pasture* for the roundup** I fear the worst. Maybe a coyote. Maybe a bandit. I was whittling a stick into a smoother stick around the fire last night, and I cut my finger with the blade. I will have to use some of Dr. Phinneus McAdoo's snake oil cure-all that I got at the general store last October before I started on my long lonely cowboy thing.

*They go to pastures, don't they?
** You round up cattle, don't you?

That was me making fun of myself because I used the phrase 'Shut-Eye'
Speaking of making fun of myself, that will be happening on JULY 7th at The Monday Night Comedy Show.
First act:
GAY/STRAIGHT ALLIANCE
some stand up by BILL YOUNG
CHICKPROV

And the second act will feature a roast of me.
For no other reason than to entertain you's guys.

It is going to be hosted by Josh Carson and helped by The Dez. Two people whome I rather like, but sadly, are easier targets to make fun of than me.

Because they are both lame-o shitheads.

See? I can't insult people well. I am going to suck at this.

So mark your calendars, and if you want to help roast me, talk to The Dez or Myself. We will be having a meeting about it all over drinks, and since it is only 2 weeks from tonight, you must do it before next week. There are deadlines, people. Deadlines. This isn't Cambodia. I don't know what that means. I need more sleep.

If you cannot make the 7th of july, you can always come to the show tonight at 8:00pm
Doors open at 7:30pm and admission is the wee $3
The Beat Coffeehouse. If you don't know where I do it after over a year, you are not coming to the show. Let's be honest. You know what? We are breaking up...

Also, we have buttons for sale. they are 2 for a dollar, and have built in 'Pussy-Magnets'

Oh! I forgot to tell you that in the near future, my dear friend Terry Pounds will be filming an episode of his new show 'Microscopic Life' about The Monday Night Comedy Show! Details are soon in the coming, but I promise you that I will be plugging the hell out of it.


Speaking of plugging some hell*, TCIF is coming up this weekend, and if you haven't bought tickets to The Neutrino Video Project on Friday at 12:30AM (technically Saturday Morning)
go to twincitiesimprovfestival.com for more info than I can give you. I am just a man. I have limits.

*More like, Hella funny! Whooooo! Nap! I need one!

MN FRINGE FESTIVAL UPDATE: It's still going to happen. Go see 'Waking in Minneapolis' at The Mixed Blood Theatre on the West bank.

INDYFRINGE UPDATE: My show will be fucking radical. Like 'Gleaming the Cube' Radical. That is Like Christian Slater, Radical. I should know: I was in St. Anthony Main all day yesterday for a wedding. They filmed bits of 'Untamed Heart' there. Don't you get it?!
Elsa never really believed in the grail. She thought she'd found a prize.
And what did you find?
Illumination.
lalallallaalalalalalalalalalaalalalalala.

I really need to get on a better sleep schedule.

It sucks that George Carlin died. I liked him way better than other people.

What else?
My home life fucking sucks.
I don't really like living with the new one.
In fact, I straight out hate it.
We will be looking for a replacement straight away.
Interested? contact me.

I think people should feel safe in their digs. I don't feel safe. People who are constantly stoned and are naturally spacey to boot are not conducive to me sleeping well at night.
It's for my cat's safety that we are doing this.
It's always about Selina Kyle Freedom Cat's well being. I don't want her to become a super bitch. Oh wait...

I'm feeling real negative today. I need another vacation. Or a sci fi convention. Or shakabuku.
Or a radical shift in attitude.

I'm sure everything will seem like skittles and beer at 3pm

See you tonight at the show. You know who you are. Or do you?

Stay Awesome or I'll stop telling you to.

Andy

I am boring too, sometimes. Just read.

I am going to play beer pong in about 2 hours.
I am not sure how I feel about this. But I am going to ride my bike there, and that makes me happy. I like my bike.

Now if only someone would take charge and get my moped running.

I am feeling very boring today. I couldn't charm the pants off of anyone.

And that is probably for the best.

I shouldn't be taking anyone's pants of with charm.

Just my teeth.

I have the mind of a 13 year old boy.
Legos and sex legos and sex.

I will write something when I feel better.

Stay Awesome.
A

INDYFRINGE DATES AND TIMES

I just got my 2008 IndyFringe Performance dates and times.

For those of you who have been sitting in front of your day planners, please write in pen the several shows you will be attending.

CONFESSIONS OF A FRINGE TECHNICIAN

10:30 Friday 8/22
7:30 Saturday 8/23
10:30 Sunday 8/24
7:30 Wednesday 8/27
4:30 Saturday 8/30
9:00 Sunday 8/31

All performances will be at The American Cabaret Theatre just like last year and the year before that.
I love this festival.


Please feel free to say you will be coming on the many facebook event thingys I will be making soon. I mean, if you will be in the Indianapolis area. Or you feel like a road trip.


This is good information, and you are happy now.


I just better be able to pull this off...

The fire is burning. Throw Amy Grant in...

Baby Baby, you put my heart in Motion.
Amy Grant is stuck in my head. Soon to be stuck in yours, if you ever borrowed her early '90's Album from your older sister, because you thought she was hot (Amy Grant, not your sister...But my sister is pretty. I suppose. For a dumb girl.) At any rate, you still have that CD, and you saw it in your collection this morning when you were searching for music to stick into your ipod with violent force.
Does it ever happen to you? That scenario exactly?
Amy Grant, I will not make love to you anymore. That was when I was 12. Now, I am much older and much more experienced.
Now I will screw the 'Worship and Praise' right out of you. And Vince Gill can hold the camera.

So I am now listening to Mozart's Clarinet Quintet in D (I think that is the key) to cleanse my pallet and get some Aerosmith pumping into the stereo here at The Beat Coffeehouse soon after. There is something about the 'Get a Grip 'Album that screams Summer to me. It reminds me of going to see Jurassic Park at The Edina Theatre on 50th & France (now an art theatre) with Jason Glorvick, Maureen Mcniff (my first official girlfriend) and I think Kat Miller was there too.
Ahh, memories...
Tonight is another Monday Night Comedy Show, and if last week was any indication, the house number is on the rise for the Summer.
And the AC is going to be working tonight. I promise.
You should come. Multiple times.

Since I go to The Green Mill in Uptown a lot. And I mean a lot a lot, I was there with Carson, Josh- His lady friend girl Lindsay- Haugie and her friend April. Anyway, we were talking, as we are prone to do, and I said yes to a Roast in my honor at The MNCS on July 7th.
The first act will be some improv acts (Chickprov and Gay/Straight Alliance, I think) and a stand up comic. The second act will be the roasting. Hosted by Carson, Josh.
It may or may not be awful. I do have a lot of things in my life to make fun of.
But I am still kind of oogy about it.
Anyone who wants to roast me, has to contact The Dez or Carson. You get between 3 and 5 minutes. And you have to buy me a drink afterwards. Ok, ok. That isn't true, but it will be my 30th birthday, and you like me so much it kills you, so be cool bitch, be cool.
Mark your calendars and stuff.

I am still wondering what to do for my big three decade mark. If you have any ideas that could be pulled off, let me know. I was thinking a karaoke party bus, but that involves a deposit and people forking out money beforehand.
I do like karaoke, though...
Let me know. I am at a loss.

LisaLisa and Cult James are expecting Annie in late July. I cannot wait. Odd change of topics, I know, but I am part crazy. Deal with it.
Add to the list Emily (formerly Hahn) and you get another batch of my oldest friends having babies and beginning lives that seem to make sense to me. Sigh. Kind of. That was a kind of sigh.
I have no idea where my head is these days.
All I know is that I hope I get kids like Butch's twins Aidan and Owen. Damn. They were at Go Go last night, and they stole the show.
Aidan plugged The Monday Night Show, and if that didn't get people to come, nothing will.

I have to add some people to the email list of Unlimited power for the show tonight, so I hope to see you all later.

Call me if you need anything, except not until after 1:15pm. I left my phone at home and I feel like I am not wearing pants.

Stay Awesome. More than you are accustomed to.
Andy

A tentative sigh of accomplished relief. Now the real work starts.

See, the deal with writing a script is that you actually have to think that you have the right to write it. No pun intended.
I didn't think I had that right.
I didn't want to be that one guy who pumps out a few pages, and realize only later that it is a piece of shit.

Too much is riding on this script to have it be a piece of shit.

I know I sound like a self aggrandizing asshole, but i have wicked low self esteem when it comes to stuff like this, because it really means a lot to me, and if it suck, then I am doomed to work in coffeeshops all my life, and try to marry into money.
While that sounds fine and dandy, I see myself as something more. One day. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday... I was born at 11:11pm against all odds. I was meant for something more.
More than a coffeeshop.
But don't get me wrong, the free coffee is a perk.

And so, the script is done.
It's called 'Confessions of a Fringe Technician'
It goes up in Indianapolis for the Fringe Festival there at the end of August.

I was asked the other day (and several times over the last year or so) if I was going to do JAWS The Musical yet again.
They said it in a snarky way that made me feel like shit. like that was the only trick this one pony could accomplish.
Of course, that person worked in a theatre for years, yet never saw any of the shows produced there.
Thats the equivalent of working in a coffeeshop and not drinking coffee. Or being the person behind the DMV counter and not driving.
A travel agent who is afraid of the world.
You get the idea.
So eff that person. She sucks anyway.
Now I have this thing that is mine all mine. No collaborators. No Jaws The fucking musical.
Don't get me wrong, having done a top ten fringe show my first time out was too good to be true. I have a lot to live up to, and I am nervous as hell.
But at the end of the day, all I want to do is make people smile and laugh. Maybe forget some troubles for an hour or so.
And the fact that I love my audience helps a lot. Not many people can say that with a straight face. I don't think I'm better than them, and I want them to be involved.
I mean, I am better at making out than they are, but I have to have one gold star, right?

So today, I am correcting stuff that is dumb, and probably adding a quiet little character whose only job is to steal the show. No big deal.

Here's to Theatre. Something I like very much.
Almost as much as Highlander.

And you stay Awesome too.

Andy


ps- The Monday Night Comedy Show is back after a two week vacation.
Come see the show at 8pm for $3
At The Beat Coffeehouse
1414 West 28th Street
Uptown. Minneapolis.

Rad.