A perfect Day amidst other kinds of days

What is a perfect day?
Is it when you find yourself doing everything that you want to do, with the people who make you who you are?
And then the question is, Who are you?
Do you know yourself well enough to know what it is you want. From Life. From Love. From Family. From Friends. From the world around you. From yourself.
There are many perfect days out there to be had. Shit can really hit the fan at noon, and still be considered perfect because you spent the evening watching a tv show next to someone you care for. You talk about your day, and you make each other laugh. You go to bed knowing that whatever happens at noon the next day isn't going to trump the night before.
You feed off of it. You feel it inside when your day is perfect. Or your moment.
I have had so many perfect moments in my life, that if I practice what I preach, my life would be considered so. And still I want more. Everyone does i hope, otherwise I am a sadist who is doomed to fight reality for the rest of my life.
And life is going on all around me. It doesnt stop for me. It isnt pausing so I can catch my breath.
I'm working on building trust with someone i care deeply for.
And maybe it's working, maybe it isn't. I can lie to myself and saying things are swell, but there is always an underlying current of something that might surface to fuck it all up.
I'm not a good gambler.
I count my money while sitting at tables, and I don't have a poker face to save a life. But I do have moments. I will always have my moments.
These perfect pauses in time where the skies are just the way I like them. It's dusk during these times. The clouds are reflecting the sun so lazily that they don't have the energy to be perfectly white. They swim with the deepest dark reds and purples and orange to the lightest suggestion of a soft pink that lets you know the night is coming, and when that happens, that is when you are alive. You are able to make all the bad or good choices you want to, because tomorrow will happen soon enough. And when that tomorrow hits, you are ready for anything. the cycle begins all over. And if you are lucky, the day will bring something even more interesting to your door.
I'm not perfect, but some of my moments are.
She isn't perfect, but some of the things she challenges me to think about are. They help me grow up. And maybe that is what I need.
I'm not happy to the point of jumping on mountains and screaming challenges to God, but I am happy enough to know that it's a big world, and I want to see every inch of it. I want to dig it up, brush away the dirt and see what picture the puzzle makes.

I know i don't make any sense. I know of like three people who read this, and they all know me as batshit crazy and full of baggage. And not without reason.
This blog is host to a multitude of high's and low's. I may seem Bi-Polar, but i assure you, I am only a Cancerian. Take me or leave me, I talk about it all, as long as it has something to do with feeling something. And today made me feel something that i had forgotten about. That possibility of those fucking moment I keep yammering on and on about.
I had a lot of them today.
I had the shit ones today.
But once again, the good outweighed the bad.
And tomorrow, maybe it will be the other way around, but the next day is my birthday, and nothing bad can happen on that day.
If it's a pattern, at least it's stable. Everything was a bit wonky there for a while. I'll take any semblance of routine I can get. I'm too random as it is.

Edit- It is now the next day, and with it, nothing to report.
I suppose I wish my evening plans were a little different, and didn't consist of wishing and hoping and sitting and staring out into nothing. On the other hand, i could get some much needed writing done.
I'm distracted today by thoughts that will probably end up destroying me, but I suppose I have been wanting to destroy something beautiful. And I am so very very cute...

Meanwhile, I am set to do battle with myself. Tonight, and the next and the one after that and so on until I reach some happy medium.

But tomorrow is my Birthday, and whats the worst that could happen on a birthday?

Till then, I'm sure I made some sort of point earlier. If I didn't, just take away that not everything is bad if you focus on good parts. In relationships, in friendships or in wherever I fit into a puzzle picture.
You HAVE to focus on the good parts.
Otherwise all the songs you hear and every show or movie you watch will have hidden meaning and be some metaphor for why you feel miserable. (sometimes. But only when a phone rings. Mostly.)

Stay Awesome.
Andy