Sigh No More Ladies, Sigh No More.

I'm not gonna lie to you:
The hoe-saw is making another appearance in 'Confessions of a Fringe Technician'

For those of you not in the know, The Hoe-Saw is just what it sounds like. It is a Hoe (Garden Tool)
With a Saw (Cutting Tool) attached to the end.
It is certainly an unconventional weapon, but a deadly one just the same.
The BrainChild of Josh 'Worm' Miller and Pat Casey, who are best known for being the writing team that sprung 'National Lampoon presents: DORM DAZE' (I, II & III) They are old friends of my Best Friend John Bungert. They went to high School together and made various movies of various quality. One of my personal favorites was 'Hey, Stop Stabbing Me!'
That is where the Hoe-Saw first saw the light of day.

The Hoe-Saw has been a featured weapon in JAWS The Musical! as well as Recently Dead Celebrities.
And since it has now become a staple in any Mime Rifle Production, I felt it was needed in 'Confessions'

Not much else to tell you except I was thinking about it today, and it made me smile.
I called Lisa and James the other night in hopes that their newborn Annie had developed the ability to talk on the phone(no such luck) and asked if Lisa knew where the Hoe-Saw was. She said it was still in the back of her car since I used it last Summer for Recently Dead Celebrities.
Aside from her apparent hatred for cleaning out her car, I was happy I didn't have to buy another Hoe (Garden tool) or another Saw(cutting tool). Actually, I borrowed the Hoe(garden) from my Sister(Biological). in 2004 when I did JAWS for the first time. She keeps asking for it.
Ahh well. She is a donor to the arts.

So the Hoe-Saw stays in the picture.

On a side note, I tried to watch a hidden disc in my season 2 of Hercules last night.
I never even noticed it. it was in a separate sleeve in a pocket in the back of the set. It only had the word "surprise" written on it. I could only assume it was a personal message from my main man Kevin Sorbo. It was not. The disc had a label on the top. It was a 60 minute interview with Rob Tapert, the main producer. As well as Kevin Sorbo's interview on Regis and Kathy Lee. And some outtakes.
I was all shades of excited, but when I put it in my dvd player, it didn't read. The fury I had for about 20 minutes was close to that of a Supernova confined to the dimensions of my room.
So to calm myself down, I started watching Season 5.
I know what you are saying to yourself: "Why is he jumping around so much? Why not watch it chronologically?"

It would take me a solid month to do that, people. And I have Fringe on the Brain. Hercules is something I allow myself to watch instead of eat Ice cream or write bad poetry.

And I have written some REALLY BAD POETRY. Hercules is a form of Public Service.
And it is a dirty little secret I will only delve into in my blogs. I trust you people, I really do.

What else? I have no idea. I leave in less than one week for Indy. I'm driving down with Jason, who is one of the cast. He plays the 'Loveable Simpleton' And he has a mohawk. Ladies are gonna love him.

This has become a rather boring post. I apologize. Not much to report. Here is something exciting that we can pretend happened to me just this morning:

Ok. So I woke up to the sound of gunfire in the alley behind my house. It was only 4AM, so it was still dark. Thankfully, I was sleeping in my ninja costume.
For those of you who know me, i sleep with weapons all over my room. They are scattered all over. I am trying to make space on the wall for them all, but I am busy. Home decor will have to wait. I grab my favourite sword and slip silently out into the backyard. The yard is overgrown with raspberry bushes and vines. It's all very pretty, but there is not time to admire the greenery. I have to deal with these guns. These guns and the people shooting them.
As I turn the corner, a motorcycle speeds past me. it's one of those 'ninja' bikes. I think they are silly. I call them 'Crotch Rockets' but I didn't make that term up. I look back to see what the motorcycle is fleeing from, and I see that it is a group of those Mormon kids who ride bikes and wear ties. Only it is like about a hundred of them. All piled up dead next to my dumpster. I'm pissed because of the senseless loss of life, mildly amused because the image is something I have thought of for a while. Never so many, though. Also, i know that i will be charged like $80 extra per body because my garbage man is a prick and leaves notes on garbage that isn't tied up well. Seriously. He's a dick. So there is all these dead mormons, and I'll be damned if I am going to deal with them. I see that crotch rocket man is almost to the end of the block. i can run super fast because of all the genetic manipulation that the government did to me when I was a mercenary for 'Sector X' (another story altogether). However, i cannot get to the bike in time. I see a small electric skateboard leaning next to the garage door. Most likely one of the Mormon's. i never thought they could use electricity. Or that 'electric skateboards' even existed. I was lucky. I grabbed the board, and used my telekinetic machinery powers on the board (another one of Sector X's little gifts) I have the power to make machines run way better than normal. So I get the board going up to 500 miles per hour. I blast past the motorcycle man and stop at the end of the next block. I wait for him to come. He seems to be charging me. he knows I am the one who was gonna get screwed by the garbage man. I can almost see the smile on his face through the tinted visor on his helmet. What an asshole. He gets to about 20 feet of me, when i use my 'explosion power' on him. The bike goes boom, and he flies forward towards me. I catch him by the collar of his jacket. He is pretty light for a man. But it isn't a man. I pull the helmet off and see the most beautiful green eyes staring up at me. It's a woman?! How could it be? Why does she hate mormons so much?
"I am your wife from the future. My name is Awesome Wife."
But you have Blonde hair. I usually go for Brunettes.
"I had to dye it so you wouldn't fall in love with me too early"
Too late.
"I know. But I accomplished my mission. Those were not Mormons. Those were Cyborgs. They were trying to kill you."
Sounds serious.
"It is."
I should kiss you now.
"Yes you should"

"Awesome"
I know.
"I have to go back. In my time, you are about to address the interplanetary senate on why we have to switch to thermo-Solar-Neutrino-Molecular Power or the degradation of the Sub Atomic Science Thunder Device will destroy all life everywhere. I am to run your powerpoint presentation"
Then you should go.
"Yes"
What about those cyborgs?
"They will self destruct. And don't kill your garbage man. He is my father."
He's a dick.
"He's just seeing if you are worthy"
I see. Go then. Make sure I save the day. Just one more time.
"Nice to see you without the scar across your face from your battle with Evil Lord Patrick."
What? when does that happen?
"Gotta go. my temporal rift just opened. See you soon, Husband"
Bye, Awesome Wife.


I then went back to my house and slept before going to work at 3pm today.
At a coffeeshop.
I think I am not living my destiny. Maybe tomorrow. Also, I never used my sword. What a waste.


And so that was my morning. I hope your day was good too.

Till next time, Stay Awesome.

Andy