I'm not even drunk, but I will rant the night away.

There are some nights where I end up angry. Or Annoyed. Or Something.
not at anyone in particular, but rather a group of people that represent a large percentage of a whole. Or a whole that has a large percent inside it. Much like a fruity filling inside one of my beloved snacky pies.
Of which I had none of, as I am trying to watch my girlish figure.
When I speak of groups or individuals or you or me,
I speak in vague terms so as to not point fingers and have to play a boisterous game of 'I was just kidding'
I want to live in a world where people can walk out into the courtyard of their respective community and actually enjoy the company of those around them. The ones that do not care if I am the most witty or the one with the best long flowing locks of hair that is the colour of the sun.
And by 'Sun' I mean the one that used to illuminate the lost city of Aztec gold. I want to feel a part of something bigger and more important than the one. I want to be as important as the many. Does that make sense? Think of it in terms of Star Trek when Kirk needs to risk the futures of everyone to save just little old Spock. Now, If I was an admiral in starfleet, and my best friend might be alive, but my job said I couldn't go get him because of some bullshit, I would punch my commanding officer with some brass knuckles and never say never again.
See, I want all of my friends to think that about me. Or be willing to be that for me.
I want them to be the Kirk to my Spock.
The Yin to my overly sensitive "man of Deep feeling" Yang.
And I want them to know that they are my Spocks as well. I would blow up a starship for any one of you guys. And if you still don't get the reference, just know that sometime the good of the one outweighs the good of the many. Illogical, I know, but sometimes you just gotta watch Star Trek 4 to have things make any sense.
I want my friends to not have to feel they should perform and not feel the need to be funnier than they were the night before last. If I think you are funny, I tell you. And I keep coming back for more.
I don't care about where you are going tomorrow or how early you have to be somewhere, so you have to cut this conversation short. A brief hug or a limp handshake does not make me crave your company.
I want you to look me in the eye just enough to keep me comfortable. Do I fear that you are challenging me? If so, you stare into my baby blues with hints of gray and green too much. We are not Baboons. I do not wish to fight you. I get that you need to make your dominance known to all. But back off, Man. I'm a scientist.
Basically, I want to be somewhere that I am not deemed as a bitter asshole who got slighted once and has never forgiven. I am not out to 'get you'. I am not going to fuck you over if you fucked me over once. No matter what the papers may say. I will still want to drink with you tomorrow and the next day, and if I move away, i will still look at your facebook or myspace profile every once and a while to make sure you are ok. Or to see if your birthday is coming up because I suck with dates.
And if I look at you without a real expression on my face, it isn't because I am mad, It's because I am all out of give a shits. But tomorrow may be different, and that is why you keep me around. At arms length.
And I'm fine, because I know an Archaeologist and countless others who thinks I am rad. Even on off days.

And today was a kind of an off day*. I lost my fedora on a city bus. Drag, huh?

At any rate, just be your fucking self from now on and don't care what people talk about in their blogs or in the lobby or at the bar or in any place where the population is carbon based. There are only three judges in American Idol, and not one of them are the people you hang out with. So stop performing. Your friends won't make you a star. They will however make you better.
It make sense to me, anyway.

And if Star Trek 4 references weren't enough, see if you can dig this one:

'Be Excellent to each other'

As always, Stay Awesome.

Andy

* But I did have a really good phone conversation.