Learn from Steve.

Really? Did you really just walk into my coffeehouse?
Your name is Steve. And you live across the street. I know this because you tell me every time.
I see that you just came from the Vietnamese place. Your take away bag is the same as mine.
Please, Steve, sit down anywhere and eat your fried rice.
No, don't bother to buy any kind of coffee drink. We are actually in business as a place for neighborhood people to come and eat their dinner.
Steve, don't say that. My fangs are not dripping with sarcasm. We really want you here, Steve. I want you here. I am your Barista, Steve. I am here to make sure you get everything you need to enjoy your fried rice just that much more. A glass of water? With the glass half full of ice?
Do you need a napkin, Steve?
Take as many as you want.
Oh. you did. Seems like an awful lot of napkins, Steve.
Did I just see you stuff some Splenda packets into your pocket? I understand. you may need them for your fried rice. I noticed that you were looking through the daily paper. We usually charge a half a dollar for those, Steve, but you go ahead and take what you want. Ah! the section with the comics and the horoscopes. Yeah, just leave the other sections. No worries. I'm a Cancer, Steve. I won't ask you to read my horoscope, but I thought you might be curious because you seem like you want to be my friend.
I bum cigarettes to all of my friends, Steve. I'm a Cancer, you see. Of course you can use my lighter.
Oh! A few more napkins? Sure, whats a handful of napkins between friends?
Darn it if you didn't just clean us out of napkins in the dispenser. I just filled that as my shift started. Isn't that funny, Steve?
I'll get you some more. Boy, Steve, that is a super nice watch you have. And look at that shiny new laptop! It's a Mac, huh? thank you for telling me that. I was thinking that Compaq changed their logo to a little apple. That looks like an expensive little gadget, Steve. More napkins? Not a problem.
What's that? You need a glass of hot water for your tea bag you brought with you?
Sure, Steve. I bet that tea bag is better than the loose leaf stuff that we have here.
What is that, lipton? Huh. I have to open a new box of napkins, Steve, you will have to give me just a minute.
Actually, I was just thinking that, Steve. I was just wondering to myself what you would possibly need with all those napkins.
Foreshadowing?
I am familiar with that, Steve. But who is foreshadowing who?
Oh, I see now, Steve. I understand what I have to do now.
All these napkins are to clean up the messy blood that is going all over the floor from where I slit your throat.
It's a good thing I opened up the other package of napkins, isn't it Steve?
Just a couple things before I dump your body in the river:
One, the daily paper cost fifty cents, Steve.
And two, look into my eyes Steve. Don't try to scream. It just makes the blood flow faster.
Steve, I think we have both learned something tonight. I think people who act the way you do when they leave the house should be thinned from the herd.
Do you like Aerosmith, Steve? 'Janie's Got a Gun' is one of my personal favourites.
Steve?


Stay Awesome, for the Dingo is coming, and your baby looks delicious.

Andy